Shepard Finds Her Soulmate
by KTT2123
Summary: Shepard is ecstatic to see Kaidan on Horizon. Instead of reuniting with a trusted friend, Shepard is called a traitor. When she cannot deal with all that has happened to her, Garrus is there to catch her. With the weight of universe on her shoulders, can Shepard save them all and find love along the way? Now with new cover art by eflect on deviant art! See my profile for link.
1. Horizon

_I do not own Mass Effect or its characters, although any OC's are mine! I am not making any money from this. Character's thoughts will be italicized and surrounded by asterisks._

_This is the first fanfiction story I ever started. The fans that love my Criminal Minds fics, this is the fic made all of those possible! I started only wanting to fix the ending of ME 3 but it turned into a soulmate fic starring Garrus and Shepard. It was quite ambitious for my first, currently at over 100,000 words and not close to finished. I've been working on this off and on for a couple of years. My muse was not so kind to me in the beginning. _

_There will be some Kaidan bashing. It is not that I don't like him because I do! He's my second favorite LI, after Garrus. I like him best with Male Shep though. I just feel Kaidan got off WAY too easy for all his judgments and mistrust. I think Shepard would have been much more upset than in the game, especially considering he says he trusts her but continually doubts her. _

_This story begins at Horizon, when Shepard and Kaidan meet for the first time since her death. Afterward, Garrus is there to pick up the pieces. References to prior Kaidan and Shepard relationship but mostly focused on the development of the relationship between Garrus and Lily Shepard. While based on the ME 2 ME 3 video games, I do change things as it's my story and I can do what I with it! Keep in mind, I have not read any of the comics/books. Anything OCC is completely mine._

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><p><em>*Kaidan's here and alive!*<em> Commander Lily Shepard grins at Kaidan Alenko, so happy he's alive and _here_. She is ecstatic to finally find another trusted friend from her old crew. She had searched for him when she had awaken but hadn't found him or any way to contact him. "Kaidan!"

The sentinel stares dumbly at the diminutive human vanguard, _*Shepard's ALIVE? How?*_ Kaidan embraces Shepard, the woman he thought was dead, the woman he had loved. She somehow looks the same and yet completely different. Her black hair with her characteristic violet streaks is longer than it used to be and in a simple ponytail, instead of a bun. Lily's mocha skin appears perfect and completely unmarred. The scar she got from Mindoir, the cut across the corner of her lips is noticeably missing. Looking carefully over the little skin exposed, Kaidan can see she is missing other distinctive marks: the burn mark on her neck from the Citadel battle, the tip of her left ear that used to be missing from a bullet during the Skillian Blitz, and the bump on her nose from where it had been broken in boot camp training. All those marks are gone, the scars that showed her history erased as if they had never been there. Alenko doesn't understand, _*Who is this person? Who looks like her but doesn't?* _He looks into her violet eyes, which are shining with shock and happiness. Her remarkable eyes are still as vivid and unique as always, gleaming with that familiar intelligence and strength.

A mere second later, he yells at her, "Shepard?! I thought you were dead! For two long years, I've grieved you. Have you been alive this _whole_ time? How could you do that to me? How could you let your death tear me apart when you obviously weren't dead?! I _loved _you! Why didn't you contact me?! Why didn't you _tell_ me you were _alive_?!" Rage radiates from the biotic's entire body. It distorts the once familiar face into something almost unrecognizable to Shepard.

"Kaidan, let me explain. I _was_ dead. It took two years to bring me back. I asked Anderson—."

"Stop! Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not—"

"Bullshit!" Alenko's chest is heaving with his swirling emotions. "Just stop. I had heard rumors that you weren't dead but Anderson stonewalled me. Does he know? Does he know you're alive?" Kaidan abruptly raises a hand, stopping her answer. "Nevermind. Obviously those rumors are true, you aren't dead. I'm here on Horizon because Alliance intel hinted that Cerberus might be involved in the human abductions. The question is whether the other rumor is true or not; are you working with the enemy? Are you with Cerberus?"

"The Alliance turned its back on these colonies, Kaidan. Someone has to stop them and Cerberus is willing to help me do that. It's more than the Alliance is willing to do. I can't just sit back and watch millions be taken and do _nothing_, even if I have to work with Cerberus to do so." Lily's face earnestly pleading with her once friend to listen to her, to believe in her as he had in the past.

Alenko takes a step back from the woman he had once loved. "So it's true. You're with Cerberus. Garrus too? How could you?! Does the end justify the means now, Shepard? We both know what Cerberus is like, what they are capable of! You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed _me_!"

"Kaidan please, you know me. I don't answer to Cerberus. Our alliance is temporary, only until I can stop the Collectors. How could you think otherwise? Don't you know me at all?" Her heart is breaking at the condemnation on his face. A man she and trusted with her life now sees her as nothing more than a traitor, as if she is as bad as Saren had been.

I want to believe you. I do. But I don't trust Cerberus, I can't. How can you? What if they are manipulating you? What if _they _are working with the Collectors? What if they are behind it?"

"Kaidan—"

"Don't. I don't know who you are anymore. You are not the woman I remember, the woman I loved. I know where my loyalty lies. I'm an Alliance soldier. Once upon a time so were you, pity you seem to have forgotten that."

"Come with me. I don't trust Cerberus, either. But I am willing to work with them if it saves millions of lives. I need people I can trust."

"I will never work for Cerberus and if you were really Shepard you wouldn't either. Maybe you lost that part of you, along with your scars. I have to report back to the Citadel. The Alliance brass can decide whether to believe you or not." Alenko turns and stalks away without a backward glance, leaving a dazed Shepard behind.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

After Horizon, Shepard goes straight to her quarters. She cannot bring herself to make her rounds after her conversation with her once boyfriend, now ex. Picking up his photograph, she wonders, _*Is he right? Am I a traitor? To the Alliance, to him?* _ She looks at herself in the mirror, touching the places on her face where the now healed glowing red scars used to lay, touching the places where her battle scars had once been before Cerberus rebuilt her. Doubt envelops her. The pain from the man who had once said he loved her, of Kaidan's harsh words and rejection crush her. The pressure of all that has happened since she awoke is simply too much for her to bear, her mind flashes through it all: her crew members' deaths, her own death, her resurrection, the loss of her friends, her crew, the loss of their trust, facing their doubts and anger, working for a terrorist group…with people she really doesn't know or fully trust yet, adjusting to her cybernetics. Horizon and Kaidan are just the last straw.

So much has happened, with no time for her to adjust or to grieve. Lily is strong, incredibly so but even she can't be strong all of the time. She's still _human_…everyone has their breaking point and Lily has reached hers.

Tears begin to fall and before long Shepard is sobbing. She carelessly undresses and curls into a ball on the floor of the shower. The hot water cascades over her as she continues to weep. "Why didn't you let me explain, Kaidan? You have had two years to deal, yet I've had so little time to adjust. I've lost two whole years! I am the same while _**everyone**_ and _**everything**_ has changed around me."

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><p><em><strong>End Note: <strong>__I have a lot of chapters done. But the middle has some huge gaps that I need to fill. Updates will be sporadic as I am currently writing Criminal Minds fics, beta'ing for two authors (one of which has about five fics going right now), as well as co-writing a Harry Potter-Criminal Minds fic. But no matter how long it takes or if no one but me likes this fic, I will finish this fic! I might not continue to post if no one shows interest but I won't ever abandon it._

_I would appreciate reviews and/or faves!_


	2. Shepard's Breakdown

"Mr. Moreau, I am worried about Shepard."

"What? Why?"

Her usual matter-a-fact voice sounding more human tinged with concern, EDI explains, "Shepard has been in the shower for over an hour, without moving. I believe someone should check on her."

Joker contemplates, saying "Well, Miranda is definitely not the one to ask. Shepard sure in hell doesn't trust her. Allowing Miranda to see her vulnerable is the last thing Shepard would want. Yet…Miranda and Shepard…together in a shower…hm…"

"Jeff, focus!" chides EDI.

Pulling his mind away from his fantasies, Joker continues, "Right, _later_. Jacob appears a bit more trustworthy than Miranda but he's still Cerberus. Kelly, she'd probably just try to sleep with Shepard. Jack, hm…nearly naked Jack meeting completely naked Shepard…ah, the photo op! But I am pretty sure that will end with someone dying, who will then probably kill me... Mordin would probably just chatter incessantly about Shepard's reactions in medical terms. Although it would be funny to see Shepard punch Mordin while she's buck naked. Doctor Chakwas is a possibility…oh! Garrus! Ask him. Shepard probably trusts him more than anyone else." Joker remembers how close the pair had been on the Normandy SR-1. He also recalls how happy the Commander had been when she discovered that Archangel and Garrus are one in the same.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

"Garrus?"

"Yes, EDI? You need something?"

"Could you check on Shepard? I am worried by her behavior since re-boarding the Normandy. Perhaps she is having difficulty dealing with what occurred on Horizon. Jeff suggested it is best that you are the one to speak to her, as she trusts you above all others."

"Uh…I suppose I could check on her," Garrus responds awkwardly. He's not sure if he's the best person to go to Shepard but she is his friend and if she needs him, he wants to be there for her.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Garrus stands uncomfortably in front of Shepard's door, waiting for her to give him permission to enter. After waiting several minutes with no response, Garrus hacks the lock and cautiously enters. "Shepard? Are you in here?" The first thing he sees is the Commander's armor strewn haphazardly around the room. The armor is still covered in grime, sweat, and blood. That is careless; it is very unlike her to neglect repairing and cleaning it. He knows that Shepard must be truly shaken to be so irresponsible with her equipment. Garrus hears the shower running. Knocking on the bathroom door, he hears no response from behind the door. "Shepard? I'm coming in, okay?"

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

The first thing Garrus sees is Shepard with her back to him, head resting on her knees and arms tightly wrapped around her legs. She is huddling on the floor of the shower, naked and shivering. Vakarian steadily approaches Lily, gently touching her shoulder to get her attention. Shepard slowly raises her head to look at the turian. Her eyes red and swollen from crying, she looks in his direction without any recognition, as if she doesn't even see him. Garrus has never seen Shepard like this, looking completely despondent…so alone and vulnerable. She has always seemed invulnerable, invincible even, to him. She never shows weakness. Her aura of invincibility, strength and power has always made it easy to picture her being from another world, one not found in this universe. Shepard is simply that extraordinary.

Garrus is shaken down to his core at seeing her look so utterly broken. Kneeling beside her, he can see the stark pain in her unseeing eyes. The mist from the shower is freezing and Shepard is shivering violently as the icy water continues to hit her body. Garrus stands up and turns off the water. Doing his best to ignore her nakedness, the turian carefully lifts the human up off the floor before gently setting her on her feet. Vakarian can't help but marvel at how light she is. For the first time, his eyes notice how very small she is, the vulnerability surrounding her makes it impossible not to. In her bare feet, the top of Shepard's head does not even reach his shoulder. Never before has he noticed just how tiny she really is. Even for her species she is short. Her presence is normally so powerful and strong that one never truly notices her diminutive size. Her biotic power always seems to vibrate the air around her that a person can't help but feel it. But shivering and naked, with the aura of her biotic power noticeably absent, Lily appears almost powerless. She looks fragile. It is so unlike her that it is shocking. The turian feels as if he is seeing her for the first time, seeing the woman, the _human_, behind the legend.

Grabbing a towel, Garrus quickly dries Shepard, wrapping her securely in the towel. He briefly leaves the bathroom, coming back with a t-shirt and sweatpants. Garrus quickly dresses her. Then, again picking the shockingly passive Lily up into his arms, he carries her to the bed before carefully setting her down.

Shepard has not uttered a single word, completely lost in her pain and grief, tears still running down her cheeks. Vakarian quickly removes his armor, leaving on only his thin under-armor pants. The turian crawls onto the bed and takes Lily in his arms. Lily stiffens but soon relaxes when Garrus' heat begins to penetrate her ice cold skin and his familiar scent comforts her. She seems to recognize his scent even lost in her grief. Her shivering begins to lessen and soon no more tears leak out. Exhausted, Shepard quickly falls asleep lying against Garrus.

Never having been this close to Shepard, he takes advantage of the opportunity and drinks her in. Her glossy ink black hair is free flowing across her shoulders. The bold violet streaks in her hair are just as vivid and beautiful as before her death. Shepard has radiant coffee colored skin. He once saw a photograph of her parents on her desk; her skin is a perfect blend of her mother's dark chocolate skin and her father's glowing pale skin. It is so rich in comparison to Garrus' and looks incredibly smooth. Cerberus had somehow re-grown her skin, while it was the same color; all her battle scars are missing, as if they had never existed. The most visible ones: across her lips, her ear, her neck, all gone. Garrus notices the other ones are gone as well: the stab wound on her stomach, the scar that ran across her knuckles, her multiple bullet wounds. The less visible ones the turian had seen during their sparring sessions while going after Saren.

Her skin is no longer marred by the glowing red scars that had once bared her cybernetics. Unlike his, her scars healed quickly and are no longer visible. The turian wonders if it's a result of her paragon nature…and his tendency toward being a renegade especially after his squad had been slaughtered. Lily has always cared more for saving innocent lives than she does for vengeance, revenge, or punishment. Her help with going after Dr. Saleon had made him think about his own perceptions. Her influence had made him less hard, less renegade in his thinking. Which might be why her death had hit him so hard, Shepard had made him a better person, a better soldier, a better _man_. She had just made him want to _be_ better, simply because _she_ believed he could be.

Although, her brilliant purple eyes are closed, Garrus can picture them aglow with their usual fire. He's never seen anyone else with eyes as strikingly violet. Unable to help himself, the turian strokes his talons up and down the soft skin of Shepard's bare arm. It is just as smooth and soft as it looks. He is overwhelmed by feelings of protectiveness. Never before has a woman inspired such feelings in him, much less a _human_ one. This woman, who has sacrificed so much for the universe, even her own life, has _never_ given up even when she is ignored, dismissed, or labeled crazy. He wonders if she has ever had a single easy moment in her entire life. _*Maybe before Mindoir…but not after she saw everyone she knew killed. Life certainly has tried to break her. Until tonight, I've never seen even a crack in her defenses. Until tonight, I didn't know she could be defeated. Damn you, Kaidan. Look what you've done to her!* _

Garrus yearns to protect this unbelievably strong woman from everything fate would throw at her. Chuckling a little, he imagines Shepard's reaction if he told her he wants to protect her. Garrus may not have a lot of experience with human women but he knows Shepard well enough to know she would _not_ react well to any overt attempts to protect her. She would take it as an implication that he thinks she cannot take care of herself, which would probably lead to Garrus being slammed against a wall a few times by her biotics as a _very_ painful reminder she can damn well take care of herself. He winces a little just thinking about it. Shepard's past has made her strong and extremely independent. To survive all she has, she had to be.

Yet, being this close to her, he cannot deny, even to himself, that he still cares more for her than he should…much more than a soldier should feel for his commander. The feelings that first arose on the Normandy SR-1 have not disappeared, not that he is truly surprised at that.

Shepard is and always has been…incredible, one of a kind. She is like no one else he's ever met and makes him feel things he never has before. With Lily sleeping against him, the intensity of his feelings cannot be ignored or denied. Garrus has no idea what to do about them. Should he risk his heart or hide them as he did while going after Saren? What about Kaidan? After what happened on Horizon, how does Shepard feel about her once lover? These questions have no easy answers and his uncertainty makes him shift uneasily. Lily gives an irritated snort in her sleep at his movement before hugging herself closer to the turian. Vakarian can feel her breathing in the scent of his skin almost as if she is reassuring herself that it is him she's lying against. Shepard sighs contently once she gets comfortable. Her head is pillowed on his shoulder, her arms wrapped snugly around him, and her body pressed tightly against his side. Garrus looks down at her. He is so in awe of the trust Shepard has in him. He can't imagine her acting this way with anyone else, even if she had been freezing, exhausted, and completely out of it. Trust is not something she gives easily anymore.

When he had joined the Normandy's crew he had been warned never to touch Shepard while she was sleeping. The stories of how she often slept with a knife and tended to use it against anyone who touched her were enough for him to heed that warning. For Lily to not react violently to his touch but to burrow into his warm embrace is nothing short of earth shattering. He knows this mean something, something _significant_ but he is not sure just what that is.

They have a special bond, the turian and the human, one that was not easily defined by either person but just…is. It has always been something Garrus simply could not explain. Regardless of whether Lily feels something for him or not, he knows she recognizes that there is something special to their friendship. After she died Garrus had tried without success to make his father understand why he had been so affected by Shepard's death. There is one thing Vakarian knows, one thing he is certain of. There is not a single person, alive or dead, that he trusts more than Shepard, not even his own family. He wonders if she feels the same. With her trust issues, it would be an honor if she did.

He knows that Kaidan Alenko had never spent the night with Lily, even when they were together. Yet, here she is sleeping against him without protest. Yes, Lily is not truly herself but Garrus believes that fact is even more telling. She is vulnerable now, her guard is down and he knows if he was in her situation, he would have lashed out at someone he didn't trust completely. Garrus certainly wouldn't have slept against someone he didn't have complete trust in. Not when he felt off kilter, vulnerable. He would have dealt with it alone. He has to wonder what that says about him and how Shepard sees him, feels about him. If nothing else, it says she trusts him enough to allow herself to be vulnerable around him. As far as Garrus knows, she trusts no one else that much, at least not on this ship.

During Alenko's and Shepard's relationship, Joker had believed it was his personal mission to fluster Kaidan into revealing details. And Joker had been _very_ good at it. The crew had known absolutely _everything_ about their relationship due to his skill and Kaidan's naiveté, not that Shepard had known that. It was one of the few things that the crew had been able to successfully hide from her. Everyone knew that after the couple was intimate, he left almost immediately. She didn't seem to trust Alenko enough to willingly share her space. The relationship had been on Shepard's terms alone. And Kaidan had been so in love with her that he was puppy dog eager to take anything she was willing to give him. Garrus remembered thinking that it appeared more akin to how turians used sex to relieve tension than a relationship, at least on her side. But that could have been wishful thinking on his part…considering that he had been half in love with her himself. Maybe he had just wanted to believe that it was nothing more than sex.

The turian begins to feel his eyelids becoming heavy, the emotions of the evening catching up with him: between Horizon, Kaidan's reaction, Lily's breakdown, and Garrus' own acknowledgement that he still has feelings for her despite the hopelessness of it. He closes his eyes and falls asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around Lily.


	3. Shepard Wakes

When Shepard rouses out of a deep sleep, she immediately becomes aware that something is different. That she isn't alone. The last time she hadn't been alone in her bed was when one of her siblings had crawled into bed with her. She never allows her lovers to sleep with her. The level of trust that requires has never been met in any of her past lovers.

Lily remains still but senses no threat. Cautiously, she flexes her fingers and feels warm, leathery skin. Opening her eyes, Lily confirms her suspicion. The body she is curled against is indeed Garrus, as she knew it would be. There is no one else alive that she trusts enough to fall asleep next to. For a second, Shepard is confused as to how the turian ended up in her bed. Then, the memory of last night flashes before her eyes: her breakdown after Horizon, Garrus' arms lifting her off the shower floor, drying her ice cold body, carrying her to the bed, then the warmth of his arms and body around her. The last thing she remembers is feeling safe and not feeling alone. For the first time in a very long time, for the first time since her parents, her sisters and brothers died. That desperately lonely part of her had eased for the first time in years because he had been with her.

Garrus is still sleeping and Shepard takes the opportunity to study him. Even asleep his face is full of sharp planes, containing none of the softness humans have in rest. Her eyes caress the features of Garrus' face. Lily studies his clan markings, marveling at how the dark blue color stands out against his muted gray skin. The markings are interrupted only by the newly healing scars on his face. She imagines his eyes, such a piercing blue, that always makes her feel as if he somehow can see into her soul. His mandibles are slightly flared, exposing his sharp turian teeth. Despite his 'alien' appearance, Lily only sees the features of a beloved and trusted friend. One of the few she has left.

Shepard has never seen Garrus without a shirt and examines the strangeness of his chest. The first thing she notices is his skin. Up close it is vaguely shimmery, akin to snake skin, which adds another dimension to his otherwise lackluster gray skin. Plates of varying thickness cover his upper chest, with each plate being well-defined. Shepard wonders if this definition is because Garrus is so muscular or if it is typical of turians. Most of the plates appear smooth, while others are slightly rough. Garrus' neck is without plates, the skin appears smoother, softer and is surrounded by what Vakarian had once told her is called a carapace. To her it seems to be something between a hood and a krogan's hump in appearance. His waist looks much like his neck, the skin being thinner and plates noticeably absent. Stroking a finger across the ridges of Garrus' chest, Lily jumps in surprise at how the simple touch causes such an intense fluttering in her chest. His chest plates are so warm to the touch. Moving her fingers down his chest, Shepard strokes his waist. Vakarian's skin is remarkably different in texture there. His chest feels very leathery, while the skin at his waist is surprisingly smooth and soft. Garrus, still asleep, responds to her caress at his waist with a purring sound coming from deep in his throat. The heat she feels from touching Garrus flashes through her body and intensifies with his obvious approval. Shocked and a little overwhelmed by her reaction to Garrus, Lily snatches her fingers back. She pushes those strange feelings away, aware that she can't deal with them right now.

Shepard shifts her weight in an attempt to slip out of his grasp. In response, Garrus rumbles disapproval low in his throat and tightens his arms around her, holding her more securely to his chest. The action is so atypical of him that Lily can't help but laugh. The turian never has been a touchy-feeling kind of guy. The sound appears to wake Garrus and he looks around the room before his intense blue eyes settle on Lily's. For a second, the two just stare at each other. Then, he suddenly stiffens, obviously waiting for a reprimand for his bold behavior the night before and for the position in which they lay together.

His awkwardness only increases the longer Shepard's deep purple eyes silently stare at him. Her gaze is intent, as if seeking out his secrets, yet giving nothing of herself away. Finally, he can't take the quiet anymore. "Uh…you were so cold from the shower…that…uh…I thought my body heat could…you know…warm you up?" Lily simply quirks an eyebrow as Garrus stumbles to explain himself. "Uh…well…I must have fallen asleep…uh…I should just go, right?" The turian continues to shift nervously side to side. Since Shepard is still pressed against him, every movement slides her against his bare skin, which only appears to increase his unease. His mandibles fluttering endlessly as his eyes dart back and forth, avoiding Shepard's eyes, an illustration of just how nervous he is. The turian is so agitated that he seems totally ignorant that his arms are still tightly encircling her, preventing her from leaving his side.

Laying her hand on his chest, Lily soothes, "Garrus. Just relax. I am not going to attack you. I want to thank you." It is Shepard's turn to look uncomfortable. Her obvious insecurity finally settles the turian's anxiety down. She continues, "Uh…what happened on Horizon…well…it was…I…Kaidan…" It is Garrus' turn to feel smug, his mandibles fluttering to show a glimmer of his amusement that Lily is so agitated, that her usual silver tongue is astonishingly absent. Seeing Shepard flustered is something he never thought would happen, much less witness _and_ be the cause of. Eventually, Garrus contains his amusement enough to tilt his head and flutter his mandibles in a questioning manner. Shepard has just been staring at him, baffled by her utter lack of finesse. _*What the hell is going on? Why am I acting so awkward? It's only Garrus…right?* _Shepard questions herself._ *I feel as tongue-tied as a teenager on her first date._ _Date!? Why did I say date? Focus, Shepard!*_

Garrus continues to look at her with a question in his eyes. "Uh..." Shepard mentally shakes her head. Easing out his arms, she sits up in the bed. A serious look upon her face, she asks earnestly "Is Kaidan right about me, Garrus? Am I a traitor? To the Alliance? To him?"

Vakarian immediately sobers, quickly sitting up in the bed. "What?! _Shepard_! NO! You are _not_ a traitor! If anyone was betrayed, Kaidan betrayed _you_!" the turian answers fervently, his hands gripping her biceps firmly, his gaze intense, as if willing her to believe him. "He didn't even give you a chance to explain, just assumed that you had betrayed him, that you what? Faked your own death? Let twenty crew members _die_?! Left the Alliance to work for _**Cerberus**_?! _Seriously?! _Assumed that you would let him, and everyone else, believe you died for _**two**_ _**years**_?! Doesn't he know you at all? He said he loved you but he sure didn't show it. Kaidan knows _nothing_ about love or loyalty or trust, _nothing_ about _**you**_ or who you are. I _knew_ it was you on Omega, the first time I saw you through my scope. I _knew_ it was you, never any doubt. Your scars were gone but you were still _you_. He was in a relationship with you, how could he not _**know**_!?"

Shepard just gapes at Garrus. He is breathing heavily and his face and eyes are filled with rage and intensity. _*I have never seen Garrus act this way before…this intense and passionate. Definitely never outside a mission. Where has this been hiding all this time?*_ **  
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More calm, Garrus continues on "You _are_ doing the right thing here, Shepard. The Alliance sure isn't doing anything about the Collector attacks and neither is anyone else. What are you supposed to do? Sit back and watch as thousands, maybe even millions of humans are taken, while the Alliance does _nothing_? That's the right thing to do?! That's bullshit and you know it! Cerberus _is_ evil. You and I both know that. The horror…the _torture_ they inflict through their 'experiments.' They are willing to do _anything _as long it gets results. No matter the pain and suffering they cause, no matter the cost, no matter how unethical or immoral. Jack's a prime example of what they are capable of. She's is one fucked up woman. Let's face it, what she went through would have broken most people. It's amazing she didn't attack you when she knew you were Cerberus after what they did, it's amazing she doesn't just try to kill everyone she sees. The husks they created. What they did to Admiral Kahoku. What they did to that Alliance team, the Thresher Maw attacks. There is no denying they have done a lot of horrifying, evil things. But they are the _only_ ones willing to do anything about the Collectors. If we can stop the Collectors, then hell yes it is worth it to work with Cerberus!"

"Garrus…I—I don't know what to say." Lily is staggered by the vehemence in his voice, in how much he believes and trusts in her. _*Someone actually believes me, trusts me, recognizes that I __**am**__doing the right thing.*_

"What, the _**great**_ Commander Shepard doesn't know what to say?" Garrus says dryly. His comment breaking through her shock.

"Laugh it up, Garrus. You are really enjoying this aren't you?" Shepard smirks. She takes a deep breath and sighs. "But seriously, besides Joker and Chakwas, you are the only one from the Normandy, from my past, to believe in me, to _trust _me, to be there for me." Although smiling, Lily has tears in her eyes. "Kaidan was just the last straw. The man I was with before I died, who professed to love me but didn't, _**couldn't**_ trust me." The tears disappear as her anger ignites, "How can he say he loves me but can't trust me? What kind of _man_ does that make him? What kind of lover? Even Anderson, a man like a father to me, doubted me. Sure, he got my Spectre status reinstated but he knew I was going to Horizon, _knew_ that Kaidan was there, _knew_ that Kaidan and I had been together and he did _nothing_. No warning, no heads up, nothing. He let me be blindsided. I deserved more than that from him. I mean, I woke up in a Cerberus lab, finding out I had been not only dead for two years but Cerberus…_Cerberus_!...was the one that brought me back. The Alliance, the Council had made no attempts to recover my body or those of my crew. Just left me there in the cold darkness…" she says with a faraway look on her face.

"My team, my crew, my friends were all gone. Surrounded by people I didn't know, didn't trust and the people I trusted didn't trust _me_. _**Everyone**_ changed but me. Yet, when I found you, I finally gained some balance. Somebody I trusted actually trusted me back. Garrus, you never questioned following me, you questioned trusting Cerberus but never _me_. You were the first person to _not_ doubt me, to have my back. And I needed that so _badly_. You don't know how lost I would have been without that, without _you_. I was so alone… Joker and Chakwas couldn't help me in the field when I needed someone I could trust at my back. Jacob seemed to be an honorable man but he was still Cerberus. I needed someone who wasn't _Cerberus_. When I desperately needed you, you were _there_. I don' know how to thank you Garrus."

"Shepard…I…I don't know what to say," he stammers awkwardly.

"Now, who's tongue-tied?" teases Shepard.

Garrus still doesn't know what to say, while loyalty to your superiors is just expected of turians, loyalty to a human…one who is linked to a radical human terrorist group? _*I know how Dad would react to me following Shepard again. He was furious when I quit C-Sec to follow her the first time. He was so disappointed and angry that I threw my career away to follow a Spectre and a human one at that. Given how much he despises Spectres, I wasn't actually surprised. But following a Spectre working with Cerberus, __**without**__ official Council approval? Spirits, he would be so angry, so disappointed in me. More than when I quit C-Sec for the second time to go to Omega after Shepard died. Dad never understood why her death affected me so much. Without her, I was so empty, so lost. Omega was an escape, a last ditch effort to do something with my life before it was over. Before I could no longer bear to live without her. Dad... when has he ever been proud of me or understood me? I'm just not a very good turian, not a very good son.*_

"Well, enough of this warm and fuzzy crap. I'm going to take a shower and then we'll go out and find somebody to kill, sound good Vakarian?" Shepard pats Garrus' arm, climbing out of the bed, and enters the bathroom.

Garrus' mind is running through all that has happened since last night. Shaking his head, the turian finds and dons his armor. He takes the time to clean her armor before leaving. By the time he is in the elevator, she is already done with her shower. Garrus is still lost in his thoughts when he enters the mess hall. Miranda, Jacob, Jack, Gardner, Ken, Gabby, and Joker all turn to stare at him.

Garrus stops in his tracks, puzzled. "What?" he says wondering why everyone is looking at him that way, as he goes to the cupboards to get some dextro-friendly food. Every eye in the room follows him.

"Sleep well, Garrus?" Joker asks with his signature smirk across his face. "Shepard's bed soft enough for you?" The turian starts a little at the blunt question. It is obvious that they all know he never left Shepard's quarters last night. The group is practically salivating to hear all the dirty details. They all seem to assume that Garrus and Lily had sex last night. Everyone eagerly awaits Vakarian's answer, wondering if he'll admit the 'truth' or lie. Jacob is especially intent, unknowingly revealing his growing feelings for the woman to anyone who takes the time to look. "Wha—What?" stutters Garrus.

"I asked you to check on Shepard last night, not _sleep_ with her," Joker replies sarcastically.

"I didn't—we didn't—" stammers Garrus. He draws a deep calming breath, recognizing the manipulating attempt by Joker as the same he had successfully used to fluster Kaidan in the past. Narrowing his eyes, Garrus glares at the group. "It's not going to work, Joker, I am not as naïve as Kaidan." Joker raises his brows and tries to look innocent. Jack loses patience and demands with her usual bluntness, "So, did you fuck her or not, Vakarian?"

Not knowing how to respond, Garrus looks up from his food to see Shepard walking in behind the group. He flutters his mandibles and grins, knowing that no one else has seen or heard her. Lily smiles back before putting her intimidating commander face on. "Yeah, Garrus, so did you fuck me or not?"

The group jumps. Shock, guilt, uncertainty, and fear are written all over their faces. Gabby and Ken stand frozen, fear coming off their bodies in waves. They seem to be hoping they are invisible and protected from Shepard's wrath as long as they don't move. Gardner tries to look like he isn't involved, furiously wiping the mess hall countertop. The Cerberus ice queen's façade shows signs of cracking, despite her attempts to appear unaffected. Jacob strives for stoicism but fails, looking more like a guilty little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Shockingly, even badass Jack looks a little scared at what Shepard might do. "Uh…Commander, we were just…uh…" sputters Joker, his normal arrogance astonishingly absent. Shepard lifts an eyebrow, wryly asking "You were just…what?" He jumps up, and hobbles as fast as he can force his legs to go, not caring if he breaks a bone in the process. "I think I'm needed in the cockpit," mumbles Joker. The rest of the group disperses just as quickly, abandoning their food, each murmuring feeble lies before leaving Garrus and Shepard alone. Their eyes finally meet again.

"Did you see that, Joker jumped about five feet in the air?!" snickers Garrus.

"They were asking for it, weren't they?" laughs Lily. A few moments later, she declares, "You know they aren't going to let this go, right?" Shepard pauses before saying matter-of-factly, "And it's not going to be me they are going to be pestering either. I don't think anyone is brave enough to challenge me…not even Jack apparently."

Garrus sighs, slumping his shoulders. Suddenly, he brightens.

"Hiding in the battery isn't going to work…" Shepard says sympathetically.

The turian's hopeful appearance collapses, "Spirits…"

Lily just laughs at how miserable Garrus looks; taking pity on him she states "You could just tell them the truth."

Vakarian just shakes his head, "It's not going to help. They won't believe it anyway," he moans pathetically.

"Then lie. Tell them we had sex, they'll be so shocked that you admitted it that they'll be speechless. Can you imagine the look on their faces? Priceless…" A devious look appears on her face. "Hmm…I wouldn't want to miss that. Maybe I'll tell them," Lily says slyly.

The look on Shepard's face scares Garrus more than a little…_*I am so glad I'm not on her bad side, there isn't a more daunting adversary than Shepard_._*_

"Yes! This is going to be fun. Garrus, I don't want you to say anything to _anyone_, got it? Here's what we are going to do…" The Commander lays out her plan.


	4. The Plan

Later that day…

After the incident that morning, an anxious energy blankets the Normandy. The news spreads rapidly throughout the ship, rivaling even the rate of Mordin's mouth. Most of the crew is gathered in the mess hall for supper. Jacob, Miranda, Gardner, Ken, Gabby, Jack, and Joker all sit huddled together, eating. The group is suspiciously quiet, even Joker is silent. An uneasy air permeates the faction and they all keep anxiouslywatching the hallways for any sign of Shepard. Kasumi silently enters, scaring the group briefly with her sudden appearance. The thief simply arches a shadowed brow under her hood at the jumpiness of the group. She gathers her food and sits with Chakwas, and Mordin. "I take it Shepard hasn't shown up yet?" The group shakes their heads. "Garrus either?" asks Kasumi. "No, and from the looks of them, the waiting is punishment enough," the human doctor responds. Mordin cocks his head and studies the group of seven; he dizzily contemplates "Heart rate increase, secreting pheromones indicating high stress and fear level, high agitation, eyes darting back and forth…yes, punishment fitting."

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Shepard watches the mess hall surveillance from her desk, thoroughly enjoying the apprehension and unease of the seven people. "Garrus, you seeing this?"

Vakarian, glancing up from the battery's console, responds "Yeah."

She smiles, "Isn't it wonderful?"

Garrus chuckles, "You are really enjoying this, aren't you?"

Lily barks "Hell yes! They so deserve this. You aren't feeling guilty, are you?"

The turian looks in his omni-tool, Lily's face is smiling back at him. Her gesture as she says, "Picture this: every time you see Joker, he will make constant insinuations about you…and me. Miranda's persistent disapproval for distracting me…Jacob's jealousy…Jack's crude comments…the gossip from the entire crew. Still feeling guilty?"

Garrus laughs, "I guess not."

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

The next morning…

Shepard and Garrus set the stage for their show; Lily is sitting atop of the mess hall counter, with Garrus positioned between her legs. The couple are both still in their sleepwear, as they impatiently wait for 0500.

Flashback: Shepard explaining the plan to Garrus

"_Kelly comes down to the mess every morning at 0500 to get a cup of coffee. She's mind-bogglingly predictable; she is also a notorious gossip. When she comes down, we are going to give her a little show."_

_Garrus eyes her uneasily, not sure he even wants to know just what she means. He has a feeling he isn't going to like what is going on in her devious mind…"Show? Do I even want to know?"_

_Shepard grins mischievously, "We are going to shock them by making them think their speculations are true. When Chambers walks in, she is going to see us together: kissing, touching."_

"_What?!" shouts Garrus. _

_Lily arches an eyebrow, "What, don't think we can pull it off?" she challenges. _

_Vakarian stutters "But—but turians don't kiss, no lips, remember?" _

"_Don't worry about it, just follow my lead."_

_His anxiety does not lessen any. He is alternatively terrified and secretly thrilled. This is Shepard, who he has feeling for. He wants her but getting to touch her intimately is a double edged sword. The knowledge that is just for a joke, instead of real desire is painful. The turian will get a taste of his dream; the one he knows will never be real. _

"_Okay, Garrus, do you want to practice?"_

"_Prac—practice?" stammers the turian._

"_Kissing." Judging the doubt in Garrus' eyes, Shepard slowly walks toward him, "I am going to press my lips to your mouth, okay? As long you don't appear disgusted, you should be fine. A little awkwardness may even make it more believable, come to think of it." _

_Garrus groans, watching her mind wander, wondering what he has gotten himself into this time. _

_Finally, the human reigns in her thoughts. "Ready?" At his hesitant nod, she leans into him, gently brushes her lips against his mouth. When Garrus doesn't move, she presses her lips more firmly into his. A few moments later, Lily eases away. "Okay? Think you can do it or do you need more practice?"_

"_N—No. I'll just follow your lead. It'll be fine," Garrus replies lamely. _

End of flashback

Checking the time, Shepard declares "Showtime…" The ruse begins with Shepard kissing Garrus. He clumsily tries to kiss her back, pressing his mouth against hers. The turian is still unsure how a kiss is supposed to work for someone without lips. It just feels…awkward. _*Not that her lips don't feel…good? I guess that would be the word. They are warm and soft and so unlike anything I've felt before. I just don't know what the hell I am doing!* Garrus thinks. _

When Kelly walks in, she halts when she sees them. _*Oh! Isn't this interesting? Either they lost a bet, which judging by the lack of anyone around to witness I doubt, or it's an act. Shepard looks like she's waging a war…entirely too aggressive, with no real passion behind it, and poor Garrus looks so rigid and uncomfortable it's painful to watch.*_ Chambers is unfortunately much more perceptive than Shepard had anticipated.

The turian breaks the kiss. Moving his mouth down the human's neck, he stops where her neck meets her shoulder. His tongue darts out to taste her skin. Surprised by the silky texture of his tongue and the heat it provokes, Lily rolls her head to the side, arching her neck, silently begging him to continue. _*Damn, that feels so good_,_* _she thinks. When he pauses, Shepard pleads, "Don't stop," completely unaware that she utters her desperate plea out loud. Unable to deny her request, Garrus gives her what she wants, dragging his sleek tongue slowly across her skin. For the first time, they appear to completely oblivious to Kelly's presence, lost in each other.

The Yeoman smiles broadly at the drastic changes in the couple. Shepard is clinging to Garrus, the embodiment of a woman surrendering to the surprising passion her partner rouses. Garrus' awkwardness astonishingly disappears in a flash and he radiatesconfidence, displaying male satisfaction at the power he has over the female._ *They have truly forgotten I'm here, forgotten that this isn't supposed to be real.* _

Shepard wraps her legs tightly around Garrus' hips, driven by her need to get _closer_ to him. All thoughts of her plan and the fact that this isn't supposed to be real are pushed away as Lily allows herself to simply _feel_. The turian lifts her up off the counter. Holding her in place, Garrus caresses her bottom, enjoying how soft and pliable it is. He is as lost in the moment as she is, forgetting all about the plan as he simply enjoys touching her. This is what he wanted: to feel her willing body underneath his fingers, for them both to feel pleasure from his touch.

Shepard shivers, feeling his talons through her thin pajama pants as they run carefully along her skin. He turns, steadily making his way to the battery. Lily's eyes are instinctually closed, she doesn't want to see Kelly, doesn't want to remember this is supposed to be an act. Taking advantage of his occupied hands, she slips her hands under his shirt. Shepard lightly nips at his neck, then soothing the spot with her tongue. A shiver runs through Garrus' body and his gait stutters. His mind and body are battling. His mind desperately wants this to be real, while his body is screaming that _it is real._ Vakarian knows even if it isn't real for her, what he is feeling, what she is _making_ him feel is absolutely genuine. Because he wants this, he wants _her_, even if she doesn't truly want _him_. Feeling his reaction, Shepard smirks briefly before continuing to teasingly bite and soothe. Finally making it to his lair, Garrus sets her down on the battery's console and nuzzles her neck. Both are breathing heavy. The sound of the door closing begins to awaken the two from their lust-filled state and they slowly stop their movements.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Kelly hasn't moved. She is intrigued by what she has seen. _*How could they have thought I would buy that act? Until, of course, they were no longer acting. Then, what a performance!*_ Chambers smirks._ *But they have underestimated me. People are always underestimating me, must be my perky nature. Unfortunately for them, they seem to have forgotten I'm a psychologist. I see much deeper than most believe. Shepard, as it would have to be her, Garrus would never have thought of paying everyone back by confirming the rumors. She had a pretty brilliant plan to shock them. However, this little act to mess with the crew is going to have a greater impact than they realize…_

_Watching the two of them interact on the Normandy and in battle has been very informative about how they truly feel about each other. I remember when Garrus first came aboard, Shepard reacted when I said I wanted to comfort Garrus. Shepard was jealous and she couldn't hide it from me. Her jealousy didn't abate even after I suggested she and Garrus would make a cute couple. Shepard watched me with suspicion for weeks after that, as if ensuring I didn't actually try anything. The fact that her jealousy was unconscious, that she didn't even realize it, showed exactly how much she truly cares for Garrus. She has never looked more worried than she did while waiting for Garrus' prognosis. Her hands had been slightly shaking when Garrus was brought to Dr. Chakwas. She had been absolutely __**terrified**__ at the thought of losing him. I have never seen that same level of worry before or after, not even in life or death situations with her and her squad. In battle, the two work perfectly in sync, as if they are one. Her guardedness toward the rest of her squad only makes their unison more noticeable. It is obvious Shepard trusts him more than anyone else and not just because she knew him before. While she trusts both Joker and Dr. Chakwas, there is still a part of herself she keeps hidden from them both, a wall that always remains between them. They know her but they don't know all of her. Garrus seems to be the only one that she is able to entirely let down her guard with, the only person she is completely open with. And Shepard watches him, not as a commander but as a woman, when she thinks no one is looking. She doesn't to even be aware of it..._

_And Garrus…Garrus had barely recovered from his injuries when he risked his life by exposing himself to the plague. He knew turians were vulnerable to it, that he would probably be infected. Even knowing he might not be cured, he went anyway, simply to protect Shepard's back. He went beyond what a soldier would do for a commander, even for a friend. It was unnecessarily reckless. She didn't even ask him, had in fact tried fervently to convince him she didn't need him. But he demanded to go, stubbornly refused to be left behind. He couldn't, wouldn't trust anyone else to have her back. Shepard had reluctantly let him go. Garrus had been infected but thankfully, Mordin had been able to cure him. On every mission since, he has gone with Shepard and is hyper vigilant about protecting the woman. At times, it seems he is more concerned about her safety than his own. He's been hurt more than once because his attention was on her, on her safety instead of what was in front of him. Garrus tends to watch Shepard when he doesn't think anyone is watching, as much as she does him… _

_What is remarkable is that the two's behaviors seem completely unconscious, neither aware of what they are expressing through their actions if a person simply pays close enough attention. If a person looked beyond their façades. Both are soldiers, used to hiding their feelings. Neither seems to be aware of the other's feelings. Their behavior appears so obvious to me but it seems no one sees it but me. _

_I know far more about their personalities than they give me credit for. Neither Shepard nor Garrus would have willingly chosen such a public place, even if driven by passion. They wouldn't take the risk of being caught necking like a couple of teenagers, especially after all the rumors floating around since the night Garrus spent with the Commander. Shepard keeps her personal life very private, even more so after Horizon. She does not trust Cerberus and has been hesitant to fully trust me and the other Cerberus employees. Garrus appears naturally reserved about his personal life, and rarely shares it with others. Very little is known about him, only that he was previously C-Sec, helped Shepard go after Saren, was Archangel on Omega, that he loves to 'calibrate' the guns, and that he's Shepard's right hand man. I don't know if even Joker or Chakwas know any more than that. The only time either one seems to relax or share is in the presence of the other. Both soldiers are too private to risk exposure of such an intimate moment for such an obviously new relationship, especially since the relationship is much more than just sex to the two of them. If they were going to expose their relationship to the crew it would be deliberate, not because someone 'stumbled' over them. _

_Everyone knows I get coffee at the same time every morning. Shepard is more than aware of that, as is Garrus. They knew I would walk in on them; they __**wanted**__ me to catch them. _

_Despite their 'fake' act, they both care more deeply for each other than they are aware of, what with each trying to hide their feelings from the other and everyone else. For being such smart and perceptive people, Shepard and Garrus are completely unaware to all the signs. How they can't see it…or anyone else for that matter continually baffles me. This show will force them to confront their feelings for each other much earlier than even I anticipated.* _

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

With the door closed, Shepard pushes all the feelings Garrus has provoked away, and forces an effortless sounding laugh. She has had a lot of practice in hiding her feelings since Mindoir. "That will be all over the ship before you know it. Kelly has the biggest mouth on the Normandy. Imagine their faces!"

Garrus, however, isn't as happy as Shepard pretends to be. The turian is not as unaffected as the Commander appears to be. Once he had gotten a taste of her skin, Garrus was no longer pretending. Of course, neither was Shepard. But he doesn't know that. Remembering the sweet and sharp taste of her skin like expensive turian chocolate, the softness of her bottom under his fingers, Garrus subtly tries to shift away from her. He knows if they stay this close, she will feel that his member has begun to emerge from the protective pouch, which shields it from Palaven's radiation. She almost lets him go but as he shifts she feels his arousal first. Lily abruptly looks down at their joined hips then at him. Garrus ducks his head and looks away, again attempting to step away from her. Embarrassment is written all over his face, evident by the blue blush rising up his neck. She tightens her legs around him, forcing him to stay pressed against her. "Garrus?" He hesitatingly glances up into Shepard's eyes.

Astonishingly, she smiles encouragingly at him. Staring into his unsure icy blue eyes, she leans forward, kissing him and then slowly grinding her hips into his. Shepard, remembering the feeling of Garrus' tongue on her skin, wonders how it would feel against her own. Moving her lips against his, she murmurs against his mouth, "Open your mouth for me, Garrus." Still not understanding the appeal of kissing, at least for a turian, he reluctantly obeys. Shepard slides her tongue into his mouth, running it lightly along his sharp teeth, before gliding it against the turian's sleek, pointed tongue. Garrus sucks in a shocked breath, taken aback by the intimate feel, the _pleasure_, of the human's tongue upon his. Turians don't do this. Hesitantly, he touches his tongue to hers. The contrast of his incredibly smooth firm tongue against her slightly textured, spongy one feels _amazing_. Gaining confidence, Garrus wraps his tongue around hers. Shepard growls in response. _*Now this…__**this**__ I get* _he thinks. She guides his tongue into her mouth and gently sucks. Lily moans as she feels the vibrations of the deep purr coming from Garrus' subvocals through his tongue. The pair quickly loses themselves in each other, once again forgetting all about their scheme.


	5. Chakwas Gets A Shock

Later that day…

After the incident that morning, an anxious energy blankets the Normandy. The news spreads rapidly throughout the ship, rivaling even the rate of Mordin's mouth. Most of the crew is gathered in the mess hall for supper. Jacob, Miranda, Gardner, Ken, Gabby, Jack, and Joker all sit huddled together, eating. The group is suspiciously quiet, even Joker is silent. An uneasy air permeates the faction and they all keep anxiouslywatching the hallways for any sign of Shepard. Kasumi silently enters, scaring the group briefly with her sudden appearance. The thief simply arches a shadowed brow under her hood at the jumpiness of the group. She gathers her food and sits with Chakwas, and Mordin. "I take it Shepard hasn't shown up yet?" The group shakes their heads. "Garrus either?" asks Kasumi. "No, and from the looks of them, the waiting is punishment enough," the human doctor responds. Mordin cocks his head and studies the group of seven; he dizzily contemplates "Heart rate increase, secreting pheromones indicating high stress and fear level, high agitation, eyes darting back and forth…yes, punishment fitting."

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Shepard watches the mess hall surveillance from her desk, thoroughly enjoying the apprehension and unease of the seven people. "Garrus, you seeing this?"

Vakarian, glancing up from the battery's console, responds "Yeah."

She smiles, "Isn't it wonderful?"

Garrus chuckles, "You are really enjoying this, aren't you?"

Lily barks "Hell yes! They so deserve this. You aren't feeling guilty, are you?"

The turian looks in his omni-tool, Lily's face is smiling back at him. Her gesture as she says, "Picture this: every time you see Joker, he will make constant insinuations about you…and me. Miranda's persistent disapproval for distracting me…Jacob's jealousy…Jack's crude comments…the gossip from the entire crew. Still feeling guilty?"

Garrus laughs, "I guess not."

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

The next morning…

Shepard and Garrus set the stage for their show; Lily is sitting atop of the mess hall counter, with Garrus positioned between her legs. The couple are both still in their sleepwear, as they impatiently wait for 0500.

Flashback: Shepard explaining the plan to Garrus

"_Kelly comes down to the mess every morning at 0500 to get a cup of coffee. She's mind-bogglingly predictable; she is also a notorious gossip. When she comes down, we are going to give her a little show."_

_Garrus eyes her uneasily, not sure he even wants to know just what she means. He has a feeling he isn't going to like what is going on in her devious mind…"Show? Do I even want to know?"_

_Shepard grins mischievously, "We are going to shock them by making them think their speculations are true. When Chambers walks in, she is going to see us together: kissing, touching."_

"_What?!" shouts Garrus. _

_Lily arches an eyebrow, "What, don't think we can pull it off?" she challenges. _

_Vakarian stutters "But—but turians don't kiss, no lips, remember?" _

"_Don't worry about it, just follow my lead."_

_His anxiety does not lessen any. He is alternatively terrified and secretly thrilled. This is Shepard, who he has feeling for. He wants her but getting to touch her intimately is a double edged sword. The knowledge that is just for a joke, instead of real desire is painful. The turian will get a taste of his dream; the one he knows will never be real. _

"_Okay, Garrus, do you want to practice?"_

"_Prac—practice?" stammers the turian._

"_Kissing." Judging the doubt in Garrus' eyes, Shepard slowly walks toward him, "I am going to press my lips to your mouth, okay? As long you don't appear disgusted, you should be fine. A little awkwardness may even make it more believable, come to think of it." _

_Garrus groans, watching her mind wander, wondering what he has gotten himself into this time. _

_Finally, the human reigns in her thoughts. "Ready?" At his hesitant nod, she leans into him, gently brushes her lips against his mouth. When Garrus doesn't move, she presses her lips more firmly into his. A few moments later, Lily eases away. "Okay? Think you can do it or do you need more practice?"_

"_N—No. I'll just follow your lead. It'll be fine," Garrus replies lamely. _

End of flashback

Checking the time, Shepard declares "Showtime…" The ruse begins with Shepard kissing Garrus. He clumsily tries to kiss her back, pressing his mouth against hers. The turian is still unsure how a kiss is supposed to work for someone without lips. It just feels…awkward. _*Not that her lips don't feel…good? I guess that would be the word. They are warm and soft and so unlike anything I've felt before. I just don't know what the hell I am doing!* Garrus thinks. _

When Kelly walks in, she halts when she sees them. _*Oh! Isn't this interesting? Either they lost a bet, which judging by the lack of anyone around to witness I doubt, or it's an act. Shepard looks like she's waging a war…entirely too aggressive, with no real passion behind it, and poor Garrus looks so rigid and uncomfortable it's painful to watch.*_ Chambers is unfortunately much more perceptive than Shepard had anticipated.

The turian breaks the kiss. Moving his mouth down the human's neck, he stops where her neck meets her shoulder. His tongue darts out to taste her skin. Surprised by the silky texture of his tongue and the heat it provokes, Lily rolls her head to the side, arching her neck, silently begging him to continue. _*Damn, that feels so good_,_* _she thinks. When he pauses, Shepard pleads, "Don't stop," completely unaware that she utters her desperate plea out loud. Unable to deny her request, Garrus gives her what she wants, dragging his sleek tongue slowly across her skin. For the first time, they appear to completely oblivious to Kelly's presence, lost in each other.

The Yeoman smiles broadly at the drastic changes in the couple. Shepard is clinging to Garrus, the embodiment of a woman surrendering to the surprising passion her partner rouses. Garrus' awkwardness astonishingly disappears in a flash and he radiatesconfidence, displaying male satisfaction at the power he has over the female._ *They have truly forgotten I'm here, forgotten that this isn't supposed to be real.* _

Shepard wraps her legs tightly around Garrus' hips, driven by her need to get _closer_ to him. All thoughts of her plan and the fact that this isn't supposed to be real are pushed away as Lily allows herself to simply _feel_. The turian lifts her up off the counter. Holding her in place, Garrus caresses her bottom, enjoying how soft and pliable it is. He is as lost in the moment as she is, forgetting all about the plan as he simply enjoys touching her. This is what he wanted: to feel her willing body underneath his fingers, for them both to feel pleasure from his touch.

Shepard shivers, feeling his talons through her thin pajama pants as they run carefully along her skin. He turns, steadily making his way to the battery. Lily's eyes are instinctually closed, she doesn't want to see Kelly, doesn't want to remember this is supposed to be an act. Taking advantage of his occupied hands, she slips her hands under his shirt. Shepard lightly nips at his neck, then soothing the spot with her tongue. A shiver runs through Garrus' body and his gait stutters. His mind and body are battling. His mind desperately wants this to be real, while his body is screaming that _it is real._ Vakarian knows even if it isn't real for her, what he is feeling, what she is _making_ him feel is absolutely genuine. Because he wants this, he wants _her_, even if she doesn't truly want _him_. Feeling his reaction, Shepard smirks briefly before continuing to teasingly bite and soothe. Finally making it to his lair, Garrus sets her down on the battery's console and nuzzles her neck. Both are breathing heavy. The sound of the door closing begins to awaken the two from their lust-filled state and they slowly stop their movements.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Kelly hasn't moved. She is intrigued by what she has seen. _*How could they have thought I would buy that act? Until, of course, they were no longer acting. Then, what a performance!*_ Chambers smirks._ *But they have underestimated me. People are always underestimating me, must be my perky nature. Unfortunately for them, they seem to have forgotten I'm a psychologist. I see much deeper than most believe. Shepard, as it would have to be her, Garrus would never have thought of paying everyone back by confirming the rumors. She had a pretty brilliant plan to shock them. However, this little act to mess with the crew is going to have a greater impact than they realize…_

_Watching the two of them interact on the Normandy and in battle has been very informative about how they truly feel about each other. I remember when Garrus first came aboard, Shepard reacted when I said I wanted to comfort Garrus. Shepard was jealous and she couldn't hide it from me. Her jealousy didn't abate even after I suggested she and Garrus would make a cute couple. Shepard watched me with suspicion for weeks after that, as if ensuring I didn't actually try anything. The fact that her jealousy was unconscious, that she didn't even realize it, showed exactly how much she truly cares for Garrus. She has never looked more worried than she did while waiting for Garrus' prognosis. Her hands had been slightly shaking when Garrus was brought to Dr. Chakwas. She had been absolutely __**terrified**__ at the thought of losing him. I have never seen that same level of worry before or after, not even in life or death situations with her and her squad. In battle, the two work perfectly in sync, as if they are one. Her guardedness toward the rest of her squad only makes their unison more noticeable. It is obvious Shepard trusts him more than anyone else and not just because she knew him before. While she trusts both Joker and Dr. Chakwas, there is still a part of herself she keeps hidden from them both, a wall that always remains between them. They know her but they don't know all of her. Garrus seems to be the only one that she is able to entirely let down her guard with, the only person she is completely open with. And Shepard watches him, not as a commander but as a woman, when she thinks no one is looking. She doesn't to even be aware of it..._

_And Garrus…Garrus had barely recovered from his injuries when he risked his life by exposing himself to the plague. He knew turians were vulnerable to it, that he would probably be infected. Even knowing he might not be cured, he went anyway, simply to protect Shepard's back. He went beyond what a soldier would do for a commander, even for a friend. It was unnecessarily reckless. She didn't even ask him, had in fact tried fervently to convince him she didn't need him. But he demanded to go, stubbornly refused to be left behind. He couldn't, wouldn't trust anyone else to have her back. Shepard had reluctantly let him go. Garrus had been infected but thankfully, Mordin had been able to cure him. On every mission since, he has gone with Shepard and is hyper vigilant about protecting the woman. At times, it seems he is more concerned about her safety than his own. He's been hurt more than once because his attention was on her, on her safety instead of what was in front of him. Garrus tends to watch Shepard when he doesn't think anyone is watching, as much as she does him… _

_What is remarkable is that the two's behaviors seem completely unconscious, neither aware of what they are expressing through their actions if a person simply pays close enough attention. If a person looked beyond their façades. Both are soldiers, used to hiding their feelings. Neither seems to be aware of the other's feelings. Their behavior appears so obvious to me but it seems no one sees it but me. _

_I know far more about their personalities than they give me credit for. Neither Shepard nor Garrus would have willingly chosen such a public place, even if driven by passion. They wouldn't take the risk of being caught necking like a couple of teenagers, especially after all the rumors floating around since the night Garrus spent with the Commander. Shepard keeps her personal life very private, even more so after Horizon. She does not trust Cerberus and has been hesitant to fully trust me and the other Cerberus employees. Garrus appears naturally reserved about his personal life, and rarely shares it with others. Very little is known about him, only that he was previously C-Sec, helped Shepard go after Saren, was Archangel on Omega, that he loves to 'calibrate' the guns, and that he's Shepard's right hand man. I don't know if even Joker or Chakwas know any more than that. The only time either one seems to relax or share is in the presence of the other. Both soldiers are too private to risk exposure of such an intimate moment for such an obviously new relationship, especially since the relationship is much more than just sex to the two of them. If they were going to expose their relationship to the crew it would be deliberate, not because someone 'stumbled' over them. _

_Everyone knows I get coffee at the same time every morning. Shepard is more than aware of that, as is Garrus. They knew I would walk in on them; they __**wanted**__ me to catch them. _

_Despite their 'fake' act, they both care more deeply for each other than they are aware of, what with each trying to hide their feelings from the other and everyone else. For being such smart and perceptive people, Shepard and Garrus are completely unaware to all the signs. How they can't see it…or anyone else for that matter continually baffles me. This show will force them to confront their feelings for each other much earlier than even I anticipated.* _

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

With the door closed, Shepard pushes all the feelings Garrus has provoked away, and forces an effortless sounding laugh. She has had a lot of practice in hiding her feelings since Mindoir. "That will be all over the ship before you know it. Kelly has the biggest mouth on the Normandy. Imagine their faces!"

Garrus, however, isn't as happy as Shepard pretends to be. The turian is not as unaffected as the Commander appears to be. Once he had gotten a taste of her skin, Garrus was no longer pretending. Of course, neither was Shepard. But he doesn't know that. Remembering the sweet and sharp taste of her skin like expensive turian chocolate, the softness of her bottom under his fingers, Garrus subtly tries to shift away from her. He knows if they stay this close, she will feel that his member has begun to emerge from the protective pouch, which shields it from Palaven's radiation. She almost lets him go but as he shifts she feels his arousal first. Lily abruptly looks down at their joined hips then at him. Garrus ducks his head and looks away, again attempting to step away from her. Embarrassment is written all over his face, evident by the blue blush rising up his neck. She tightens her legs around him, forcing him to stay pressed against her. "Garrus?" He hesitatingly glances up into Shepard's eyes.

Astonishingly, she smiles encouragingly at him. Staring into his unsure icy blue eyes, she leans forward, kissing him and then slowly grinding her hips into his. Shepard, remembering the feeling of Garrus' tongue on her skin, wonders how it would feel against her own. Moving her lips against his, she murmurs against his mouth, "Open your mouth for me, Garrus." Still not understanding the appeal of kissing, at least for a turian, he reluctantly obeys. Shepard slides her tongue into his mouth, running it lightly along his sharp teeth, before gliding it against the turian's sleek, pointed tongue. Garrus sucks in a shocked breath, taken aback by the intimate feel, the _pleasure_, of the human's tongue upon his. Turians don't do this. Hesitantly, he touches his tongue to hers. The contrast of his incredibly smooth firm tongue against her slightly textured, spongy one feels _amazing_. Gaining confidence, Garrus wraps his tongue around hers. Shepard growls in response. _*Now this…__**this**__ I get* _he thinks. She guides his tongue into her mouth and gently sucks. Lily moans as she feels the vibrations of the deep purr coming from Garrus' subvocals through his tongue. The pair quickly loses themselves in each other, once again forgetting all about their scheme.

**Chapter Five**:

Doctor Karin Chakwas strolls purposefully toward the battery. Worried about the Commander's health: psychologically and physically, she is intent on getting the turian's opinion on how their leader is doing. _*If anyone knows how she really is doing, it's Garrus_._*_ Walking through the door, she gets the surprise of a lifetime.

The doctor immediately freezes; completely stunned at seeing Garrus and Shepard…well…together_ intimately_. The Commander is sitting on the console with her legs tightly wrapped around Garrus' hips. Karin watches in disbelief as his hips slowly thrust into Shepard's, which are matching his every movement. The couple's behavior is incredibly, _uncomfortably_ (at least for Karin) intimate, almost as if Garrus was truly moving inside of Lily, despite being fully clothed from the waist down.

Vakarian is bare from the waist up, while Shepard's torso is clothed only by a bra, his shirt lay discarded on the floor with hers. Shepard's back is arched, pressing her front as close to the turian as possible. Her hands are making long strokes up and down his naked back. The human's head is lulled to the side, eyes closed. Her neck is curved toward Garrus, while he licks, nips, and soothes her shoulder and neck. His talons are running up and down her bare sides. Shepard's breathing hitches. Chuckling, Garrus asks smugly against her skin, "Enjoying yourself, Commander?" Her eyes are still thankfully closed, for if she had opened them, she would see the face of the still frozen and astounded doctor. Lily laughs, a smiling smirk on her face "Who would have thought you were hiding such a talented…tongue, under all that stuttering, Garrus?" The turian purrs seductively, "That's not all I'm hiding…"

Karin had never once considered there was any truth to the rumors circulating the ship about Shepard and Garrus. They had been close on the Normandy SR-1 but she'd never seen anything to indicate either had romantic feelings for the other. Things did not seem to have changed much when Garrus came aboard the Normandy SR-2. So, she had dismissed the rumors as idle gossip, believing the pair to be simply good friends. But seeing them together, _with her own eyes_, observing how passionately they are behaving. It makes her wonder what _really_ happened after Horizon. Because obviously they _do _have feelings for each other, it is impossible to deny after what she has seen. Karin wonders how long the two have had feelings for each other because underneath the blatant sexual behavior she can sense a strong sense of intimacy. When the doctor is finally able to move, she slowly backs away from the oblivious pair.

Once the door closes, Chakwas staggers toward her office in a daze. Kelly, coming down for some more coffee, notices Karin stumbling past the sleeping pods in a state of intense bewilderment. Glancing at the battery door, then at her stunned face, Chambers immediately realizes that she had walked in on Garrus and Shepard together.

"Dr. Chakwas? Doctor?"

Karin shaking her head, "Huh? Yes?"

Kelly subtly guides the older woman into the medbay. "You saw them together, didn't you?"

Chakwas looks shocked, "You _know_?"

The Yeoman gives her a sympathetic look, "I'll explain if you promise to keep this confidential." At the doctor's weary nod, Kelly continues. "Shepard apparently devised a ploy to pay the crew back for all their gossiping and insinuations, you know, after Horizon. She had planned to have me stumble upon them kissing when I came down for my coffee, which I did. The Commander, however, did not count on the performance revealing the two's genuine feelings for each other. They are probably just as surprised as you are."

Chakwas thinks, *_I doubt they were as shocked as I was... However, Miss Chambers seems pretty confident that this is the first time Shepard and Garrus have been…um…intimate. So the rumors are false but the rumors resulted in this…plan…which led to what I saw. Just bizarre.*_

Chambers continues, "And I think it is best if we keep this quiet; let them figure out things out without the crew watching their every move, don't you agree?"

The human doctor numbly nods and sits down in her chair. Putting her head in her hands, Chakwas tries to wrap her mind around what just happened. Kelly leaves her alone. To ensure no one else will stumble upon the pair, the Yeoman asks EDI to lock the battery door. Sighing, Karin gets up and finds her stash of booze. *_If there ever is a time for alcohol, it is now,*_ she thinks.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Soon after Chawkas leaves, Garrus and Lily begin to slow their movements. They gradually stop moving against each other, and their breathing slowly eases. The couple simply continues to hold on to each other. For a long time the two stay this way, taking comfort in their closeness...in sharing their new intimacy. Finally, Shepard lifts her head from his shoulder and Garrus meets her intent gaze. The couple stares at one another, silently acknowledging the change in their relationship. Without a word, yet while still looking deep into her beautiful lilac eyes, Garrus, little by little, backs away. Lily eases off the console, her knees weak. Finally breaking his gaze, she haltingly walks away. Garrus simply watches her leave. When the door shuts, he sighs.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Despite the brilliance of Shepard's plan, the crew never hears a single word about what happened between Garrus and Shepard that morning. Kelly's typically gossipy mouth stays closed and Dr. Chakwas never says a word to anyone. For once, Lily is glad that she was wrong and had misjudged Kelly. If they had chosen anyone else, _everyone _would know what happened…

_*The crew's shock wouldn't have been so funny after what happened in the battery. I don't think either Garrus or I are ready for everyone to know about us… Is there an us now? How did our scam turn into something so real? This isn't how it was supposed to go! I don't know which one of us was more surprised, him or me…*_

The only indication Kelly ever gives that she saw anything at all is the brief knowing smirk she gives to the couple whenever she sees them. Both of them commit to ignoring those looks. Garrus and Lily remain blissfully unaware that Dr. Chakwas ever saw them together. All three would be quite embarrassed if the pair ever found out she saw them. Chakwas does her best to forget it ever happened, especially when around Shepard and Vakarian. Karin has no desire to explain why she would be blushing around either of them.


	6. Kaidan's Message

"You have a message, Commander." Shepard looks at Yeoman Chambers. "Okay, I'll read it in my quarters." Sitting down her desk, she opens the message. She sighs wearily when she sees it is from Kaidan. *_What could that man possibly have to say to me now_?* she thinks as she silently reads the message. In disbelief, she scans it again.

_Shepard, _

_I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. The last two years have been hard for me. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. Why didn't you contact me? How could you let me grieve all this time over someone who wasn't dead? It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside. _

_But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear if I lost you again. If you are still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself. _

_When things settle down a little…maybe…we could...try again? Reconnect? Just…be careful._

_-Kaidan_

_*Why the fuck is he telling me he went out with on a date? The nerve of that man! As if a brief, insincere message would suddenly make everything okay!__After what he __**SAID**__ to me? Giving me a half-assed apology while still blaming __**ME**__? He thinks that is all that's necessary, all that I need? All I __**deserve**__?! That I will fall at his fucking feet because he sort of apologizes even while still blaming me for absolutely everything? That I'd give him another chance, just like that? He never gave me a chance to explain, never once! And he still doesn't really care what I have to say? Even if he doesn't believe me, __**I WAS DEAD**__! How many times do I have to say it? D E A D! If he would have listened to me, believed me on Horizon, he would know that. Or maybe he did hear me but refuses to believe me. He chooses instead to believe I lied, deliberately, to not only him but to everyone. Evidently, being dead for two years doesn't excuse me for not 'keeping in touch' with him. Death's not a good enough reason. _

_How was I supposed to contact him? I tried to after I woke up, even asked Anderson but he wouldn't give any information. I had no way to contact him. What was I supposed to do? I tried to tell him that on Horizon but he refused to listen. The fucker just assumed, never once gave me the benefit of the doubt.__He didn't and doesn't __**trust**__ me, that is worse than anything else. How can I trust him, if he doesn't trust me? I always thought Kaidan was honorable to the core, caring and empathetic…I guess I was wrong. _

_He's arrogant and judgmental. He thinks only of himself. Did he once think about me…about how I feel? __**He's**__ seen too many people die? I fucking __**died**__! He had two fucking years to deal and he had people to support him…his friends, family. For me it has been mere weeks…and I'm the one that died. I woke up and I had nothing, no one, surrounded by people I didn't know or trust! My family is dead, my friends are gone, and I have no one but Garrus, Joker, and Chakwas from my past lifetime. And I have had no fucking time to grieve or adjust. Fuck you, Kaidan! It's going to take a hell of a lot more than a hollow message to gain my forgiveness, you asshole!* _

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Garrus is in the battery, calibrating the guns, when he hears the door open. He unconsciously tenses, wondering if Shepard has finally come to see him. Days have passed since the 'incident,' as he refers to it; he and Shepard have rarely seen or spoken to each other. Without discussion, they both seemingly choose to give each other space to figure things out. To consider what happened….what they felt…what they wanted to do about their feelings…what they were _willing_ to do, to risk. To just _think_ and absorb the monumental impact of what happened between them. Both know if they take the next step, it won't be a fling. They are too important to each other for that to ever work.

Garrus isn't ready to talk about what happened. Everything has happened too fast for him. He's not the type to just jump into things, into relationships, especially one that could either make him the happiest man alive or crush his very spirit. Vakarian knows what he decides to do will change his life forever. Being with Shepard has always been his secret fantasy, an impossible one at that. He has never truly believed he ever had an actual chance to be with her, that _she_ would ever want _him_.

Lily is stunning, not just to humans or to him but to pretty much everyone. Garrus doesn't know what she could possibly see in him, he's just a scarred alien. He's as biologically different from her as you can get. Turians are all hard planes and rigidity, while humans are a mixture of softness and strength. As far as he knows, turians aren't a species that humans typically (or _ever_) find attractive. Quarians yes, even asari but not humans. Garrus has never encountered or even heard of a turian and a human being in a relationship. Whether that is because of their species' contentiouspast or simply a lack of attraction, he doesn't know. And it is not merely Lily's appearance that is tripping him up. She is simply amazing. Shepard is powerful, smart, loyal, strong, sexy, and no one in this universe can compare to her, _no one_. People are drawn to her. There is just something about her.

Why she would choose him when she could have practically anyone is baffling to him. Garrus knows he is nothing special, even within his own species he is not particularly respected or extraordinary. If nothing else, his species views him with superior disdain for his rebellious nature. Vakarian can't wrap his mind around what happened because Shepard apparently _chose_ him. She had a chance to reject him and she didn't. Garrus has not decided what to do about it, what he _wants_ to do about it. He wonders if he is even brave enough to try anything with Lily. He knows the risks. He could lose his best friend, the person he trusts more than anyone, and get his heart broken all in one swoop.

"Hello Garrus," Lily said tentatively. "Have you got a minute to talk?"

Garrus sighs, dreading what is to come… "Of course, Commander." He doesn't know what to say to her.

It is obvious to Shepard, that he thinks she has come to talk to him about what happened _that_ morning. But she isn't any more ready to discuss it than he is. "I received a message from Kaidan."

The turian jerks in surprise, "What?" His mind racing…_*What did Kaidan say? Has Shepard forgiven him? Is she getting back together with him? What about me? What about what happened between us.*_ His jealousy easily cuts through his uncertainty, a rival compels him to want Lily to only want _him_.

Easily reading Garrus' reaction, she promptly asks "Would you like to read it?"

Taken aback that she would ask, he nods. After reading the message, twice, Garrus gapes at Shepard in disbelief. "Really? _That's_ what he wrote? That's the best he can do? Spirits, I always thought Kaidan was smarter than that." Vakarian considers Shepard, then tentatively asks, "You're not buying this are you?"

The Commander laughs bitterly, "Hell no! You should have heard my reaction when I first read it. If I remember correctly I called him an asshole and told him to go fuck himself. If he had been in front of me, he would have been a splat on the wall I was so outraged."

Garrus takes perverse pleasure at hearing that, not only that Lily isn't swayed by Kaidan and that she is still royally pissed. _*Doesn't look like I will have to worry about any competition from Kaidan anytime soon…* _He reasons smugly. "Are you going to reply?"

Lily glances at Garrus, "I don't know. Right now, berating him is about the only thing I have to say to him. His note only makes me furious. Do you think I should?" Shepard asks, eying Garrus, very much wanting his opinion.

"Well, as much as I'd love you to send him a hate-filled message, it is probably not the best idea. It's inevitable that at some point you will see him again, maybe even have to work together. At some point the Alliance and the Council will come begging you to save their asses. If you do decide to reply, maybe you should carefully consider what to write," Garrus replies.

The Commander contemplates that before nodding.

To try to lighten the mood, Garrus jokes, "Remember, I did tell you that Kaidan really doesn't know anything about you. That's one for Vakarian, Shepard zero!"

Laughing at his glee at being right, Shepard just shakes her head. Then, she thinks about when he had said that…which leads to thinking about waking up to find she had slept curled against him, their conversation, and 'theplan' and how _that_ had worked out. Lost in her thoughts, she slowly mumbles "I remember." Garrus' eyes widened, as he, too, thinks about what has happened recently. Neither one speaking, Shepard eventually leaves the battery, waving vaguely at Garrus. The two have finally stopped hiding from it and are starting to think genuinely about had happened between them…


	7. Vid Night on the Normandy

Shepard decides to have a vid night for the crew so they have a chance to decompress. The vid is set up in the starboard observation room. Almost everyone who isn't working is in attendance, every available space is filled. Shepard is the last to arrive. Surprised at how many are there, she looks around for a place to sit. Not seeing a single space, she turns to leave.

_*I think they need a little push,*_ Kelly reasons. "Commander, you could sit with Garrus," Chambers suggests. Lily narrows her eyes, while the Yeoman just blinks innocently. It's obvious to everyone in the room exactly what she means. Dr. Chakwas marvels at young redhead's audacity. Every single eye flicks to Garrus before settling on Shepard. Everyone holds their breath, eagerly awaiting her response.

After the incident in the mess hall, Shepard had scared the crew so much that no one had even dared to risk her wrath enough to even question or tease Garrus about spending the night with her after Horizon. Shockingly, they had left Garrus completely alone, fearing Shepard would hear about it from him. Not that that stopped them from gossiping. The group is practically salivating for any indication of what really happened that night. Especially considering how the two have been behaving the last several days. On the Normandy, they have actively avoided each other and when they did meet, they both acted awkward and overly polite. Despite this, Garrus continued to go on every mission with Shepard. It's the only time they _hadn't _been acting weird, lately.

Lily glances at Garrus, trying to gauge his reaction. It is the first time they've seen each other since talking about Kaidan's message. Garrus simply tilts his head, as if offering her a challenge. Never one to back down from a challenge, she is unable to refuse. Shepard walks toward the turian, never breaking his gaze. Standing in front of his chair, Lily questioningly arches an eyebrow. He lifts his hand, silently giving her permission. Sitting on his lap, Shepard squirms a bit to make herself more comfortable. She's thankful he's out of armor for once or this would be incredibly uncomfortable. Secretly, Lily is quite surprised at how good it feels to be this close to Garrus, her ass straddling one of his legs and her back resting against his chest, and his familiar scent enveloping her. She feels comfortable and relaxed and _safe_. It is definitely not a feeling Lily is used to. In fact, she cannot remember the last time she's felt like this. Maybe back when she was a young child, still young enough to sit on her daddy's lap and feel his strength and love protecting her? It feels like a lifetime ago, several in fact.

Dead silence fills the room. All eyes stare intently at the couple, most of them with their mouths gaping open. Clearly no one except the Yeoman thought Shepard would actually sit on Garrus' lap. Kelly looks utterly smug. Breaking the silence, the Commander asks dryly, "So, are we watching this vid or not?" Nervous chuckling is the only reply…

Finally, Chambers calmly gets up as if nothing scandalous has happened and starts the vid. For the first hour, Shepard and Garrus can feel the heated pressure of the repeated glances thrown their way from the others in the room. Neither of them reacts to the attention.

Midway through the vid, Lily shifts in his lap to curl her body against his and Garrus almost falls off his chair in shock. She confidently pillows her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him. Lily's bent knees are resting against his side. A surprised noise hums out from his subvocals, one so low that human ears cannot hear it but he's sure Shepard can feel the vibration as she buries her nose against his throat.

Garrus has a sudden realization, a blinding flash of insight into exactly how much he trusts her. The neck is a very vulnerable spot on a turian, and exposing it to someone is a sign of absolute trust. Any turian would be able to see how telling his acceptance of her touching his neck is. Yet when he should feel fear, he instead feels completely comfortable, not for an instant feeling an ounce of fear or distress. In turians, this level of trust is almost exclusively found in bond-mates and family. This realization is like a shot to the heart. Garrus trusts Lily more than any person he has ever known, including his own mother and sister. He trusts her as much as he would a true bond-mate.

Soon enough her breathing evens out and her body completely relaxes. For the first time in a very long time, Lily feels secure enough to sleep in a crowded room. Since Mindoir, it has been difficult for her to fully relax and sleep well with others in the room.

In basic training, she slept with a very sharp knife in her hands. It was the only way she could feel safe enough to sleep in a crowded room. She had warned her bunkmates to never approach her while she was sleeping. It only took once for her warning to be properly heeded when a fellow soldier touched her arm while Shepard was sleeping. She went from sleeping to wide awake, her knife tight against the other soldier's neck. After that, no one touched her while she slept.

But she feels no fear here because she has no doubt that Garrus will watch over and protect her while she sleeps. Shepard trusts him as she has no other since her family's deaths. Vakarian has tentatively wrapped his arms around her to cradle her body securely against his as she sleeps. He is utterly flabbergasted that Shepard is contently sleeping against him _in front of everyone_.

The fact that Shepard is curled up asleep, happily snuggled in Garrus' arms and looking very relaxed and peaceful is not missed by a single person in the room. It is known throughout the ship how much nightmares have been bothering their commander. The dark circles under her eyes that never seem to go away are evidence enough. Lily sleeping peacefully for once is extremely telling. Chakwas and Joker know more than anyone else the significance of this. Both Anderson and Shepard had warned the first Normandy's crew about not touching her while asleep when she had been his XO. Again, it only took one time before everyone took her warning seriously. All it took was a broken nose and a wickedly sharp knife to the throat of Pressley, who never again forgot her warning. Once the Normandy became hers, the crew made sure to warn every new member of just how violent her reaction would be. While the Normandy SR-2 crew had been warned, none had seen evidence of such an encounter. It is just stories to them, while Joker and Chakwas had actually seen Pressley's broken nose. The significance of Lily's trust in Vakarian is very apparent to the pilot and the doctor.

Inside Garrus is just as surprised as the rest of them, not that he allows anyone to see. This is more significant than her sleeping in his arms in the safety of her cabin. He knows it and so does everyone else in the room. Most are openly staring at them, once again. None of them have ever seen Shepard look as _vulnerable_ and _soft_ as she does sleeping against the turian. Shepard is a lot of things but vulnerable and soft aren't usually one of them. And they can all see she is fully relaxed, not something any of them are used to seeing either. Even aboard the Normandy her body always seems to have a line of tension, as if she is constantly prepared for an attack. Seeing her completely without that tension is shocking and all are thinking of what that says about how the Commander feels about Garrus, the trust she has in him. Even more surprising is how small she looks in his arms. The crew is baffled, so used to seeing her as the larger than life war hero, their fearless leader who has conquered death, literally. Seeing the human being behind that image, the diminutive woman underneath is a bit astounding.

Unobtrusively, Kelly takes several photos of Lily sleeping against her turian. She'll keep them to herself until the pair stops tip-toeing around each other and finally get together. The redhead has no doubts that they will and that once that happens nothing will keep them apart. Despite their differences they fit together perfectly, like two oddly shaped puzzle pieces, made for each other. _Soul mates._

Shepard's behavior, her show of absolute trust, has only fed the flames of their rumored relationship like wildfire, whether it was intentional or not. Garrus realizes there is no possible way of stopping the gossip now. No one will ever believe either of them if they denied there was something going on between them. Not with Shepard sleeping peacefully, snug in his arms… Frankly, even _he_ wouldn't believe it. They have always had a close relationship but _this_ is new and definitely uncharacteristic behavior.

When the vid finally ends, Vakarian waits until almost everyone has left before standing up, easily lifting Lily in his arms. A soft whimper escapes her lips before she snuggles closer and falls silent. Garrus can feel her steady breath against his bare neck. He carefully carries her to the elevator. Just as the door begins to close, Kelly sneaks in. "Mr. Vakarian…_Garrus_. I believe there is something you need to know."

The turian studies the human, remembering how surprised he had been when Shepard told him what Chambers had said about him, something about her wanting to hug him close. He recalls thinking _*What a strange notion. I've never had a human attracted to me or want to comfort me before. Is it the scars?* _He wonders what she thinks is so important. Holding the still sleeping Shepard more securely, Garrus asks "Can this wait until later?"

"Trust me, you'll want to hear this," Chambers vows. Vakarian sighs wearily but nods.

Glancing at Shepard, Kelly announces "She trusts you more than anyone else. Do you realize that?"

Confused, Garrus stares at Kelly. _*This is what she __**had**__ to tell me?*_

"After what happened to her on Mindoir…on Elysium…" Her voice deepens, and she whispers "On Horizon."

Garrus lets his gaze run over Shepard's sleeping face. She has a look of peace no longer seen while his friend is awake after what happened on Horizon. The betrayal has scarred her deeply, more than most realize. Not because they had been lovers but because she had _trusted _him. The crew has caught glimpses of her anger but Lily's anger is only a mask hiding the pain underneath, of being betrayed by someone she had trusted explicitly. To have someone doubt everything that makes Shepard _Shepard_. Only he knows and has seen how much it truly had hurt her. Lily had been hurt enough that she had actually _doubted_ herself, doubted that she is doing the right thing. Shepard is all confidence, conviction, and certainty. For her normally absolute confidence to be shaken says just how much Kaidan's words had hurt her.

"After all she has seen, all she has faced, after what Kaidan Alenko did. Trust is vital to her. Yet, her trust, it is harder to earn and much harder for her to give after Horizon," Chambers continues. "But she trusts you, without a doubt, without question. She trusts you more than you realize, more than even _she_ realizes. Shepard would never have trusted anyone else enough to expose her back, a vulnerable position for any soldier who has faced death as many times as she has, especially since she doesn't fully trust most of us yet. But she willingly did that, without thought, without _hesitation_, during the vid because it was _you_, because of how much she trusts _you_. Not only that, she fell asleep in your arms, in a room filled with people. There is a reason none of the crew has ever seen her asleep. Do you even realize how much she has to trust you to do so? To let down her guard enough to fall asleep against you, surrounded by others? To not react defensively and violently at your touch while she slept but to welcome it? She recognized your touch in her sleep, knew that even at her most vulnerable she could trust you to keep her safe. And I'd say it is pretty safe to assume, this isn't the first time she's slept in your arms, either."

Garrus can see that Chambers has obviously ignored the gossip, coming to her own, _correct_, conclusion of what had happened the night Garrus spent with Shepard. _*Maybe our little act, that turned into more is why she is so sure we didn't do anything that night.* _

The redhead continues, "She would trust no one but you enough to do so. Because she trusts you enough to let down her guard, believes you would protect her from any threat. She trusts you to not take advantage of her vulnerability or let anyone else do so. _Only you _Garrus. She has not trusted anyone that much since before Mindoir," Kelly vehemently promises. She knows more than most about Shepard, her past, and her psychological issues and health. It's her job to know. "You are aware that Shepard's ploy to authenticate the crew's suspicions that you two were intimate, through me, was unsuccessful. But do you know why it wasn't?"

Garrus slowly shakes his head.

"Because underneath the act, it was apparent neither of you were pretending."

The turian makes a sound of disbelief.

Kelly shoots him a haughty look. "Don't try to deny it. It may have started out fake but that didn't last long, did it? _That_ is why I did not say anything. Think on that."

Deep in thought, Garrus does not notice when the elevator reaches Shepard's quarters. He stands there dumbfounded for several minutes before Kelly clears her throat. Garrus jumps, "Uh…I guess I better put Shepard to bed." The turian gingerly carries the Commander to her quarters, as if she is more precious than life itself. Perhaps to him, she is.

Chambers watches him leave thinking *_She looks like she belongs there, in his arms. I wonder how long it will take for them to realize that.*_

Still staggered by all that the redheaded human has said and by what he, himself, had realized, Garrus numbly walks toward Shepard's bed. That night after the Horizon, he had known she trusted him but had not really given it anymore thought. He hadn't allowed himself to ponder what her willingness to fall asleep against him really meant. Kelly made him really consider things, to think about the strength of Lily's trust in him and what that really means.

Vakarian remembers an early mission during their pursuit of Saren on the Normandy SR-1. They had been trapped for over 48 hours before the crew had been able to find them and get them out. Not once during that time did Lily sleep, despite how exhausted she had been. Her biotics had consumed a lot of her energy. Yet, Shepard had refused to sleep. She wedged herself in a corner and clutched her shotgun as if her life depended on it. At the time, he thought she felt responsible as their commander to watch over them. But now, it is easy to see that Lily stayed awake because she hadn't felt safe enough to sleep, hadn't trusted them enough to let down her guard. Yet, Shepard does trust him enough now. Not only in the safety of her cabin but also surrounded by a crew she does not yet fully trust. That says a lot to him. She trusts him without reservation. He's never seen her gift anyone the level of trust she gives to him.

He considers how she sees him, feels about him now. Garrus thinks about what happened in the battery. How pretending had revealed his true feelings and had indicated that she also might have genuine feelings for him as well.

Gently, he lays her down on the bed and tugs off her soft shoes. Pulling down the covers, Garrus shifts Shepard before tucking the blankets carefully around her. Marveling at the trusting peace on her sleeping face, he caresses her cheek, enjoying the soft, smooth texture of her skin, so unlike a turian's. Briefly stirring, Lily sleepily murmurs Garrus' name. In disbelief, he freezes with his hand on her face. *_She said…she said __**my**__ name in her sleep! What does that mean? Is she dreaming about me? Does she know that it is me touching her?_* Garrus carefully runs his talons through her hair, enjoying the strange silky texture. Tucking a strand behind her ear, he flutters his mandibles in a tender smile. Then, silently shuffles away from the bed, glancing at Shepard one last time, he leaves the room.


	8. Dreams

Garrus, sleeping on a cot in the battery, is dreaming.

_Garrus is back on the Normandy SR-1 with Shepard in her quarters. She has her arms around him with her head resting on his chest, his big body enfolding hers. Suddenly, they hear a crash and the Normandy shudders. Something is attacking the ship! They instantly break apart. Shepard orders him to get to the escape pods, to get her crew out, while she gets Joker. Garrus sees himself walking away from her and screams at himself, "Stop, don't leave her! Don't let her die alone!" But dream Garrus doesn't listen, only obeys his commanding officer's orders. He can only watch helplessly as Shepard advances to the cockpit. Knowing it is a dream does not stop his heart from breaking, knowing what is to come. She forces Joker to leave, breaking his arm in her zeal to drag him to an escape pod. An explosion hits and Shepard is floating. Before she's spaced, she launches Joker's pod. He can see Joker screaming at her as he's launched. Garrus watches as Lily struggles to stop the leak in her air hose, watches helplessly as she takes her final breath. Her lifeless body floating away from the wreckage…_

"NOOO!" Garrus wakes up screaming. Breathing heavy, this isn't the first time he's relived her death but it is the first time he's taken Kaidan's place. The dream is so realistic he can almost believe he had actually been there, that he had truly seen it happened, _lived_ it. Sitting up, the turian holds his head in his hands. Vakarian's whole body is trembling. The pain in his heart overwhelms him. Yet, the dream makes Garrus realize that he could lose her again at any moment. He can't let fear keep him from taking a chance to be with Shepard. Garrus is going to have to find the courage tell Shepard how he feels, even if she rejects him.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Meanwhile, in her bed Lily dreams.

_Shepard is on Omega, searching for Archangel. Jacob and Miranda follow her across the bridge. The mysterious Archangel is sniping from the room above. Remarkably, Shepard feels only concussive shots hit her from the vigilante. Her teammates appear to have been spared as well. Working her way through the endless supply of criminals, she enters Archangel's hideout and calls his name. The turian vigilante continues sniping, without even glancing back to see who called his name. *How did he survive this long if he blindly trusts us? How can he possible know we aren't here to kill him? How easy would be to shoot him in the back…* Finally, the vigilante turns around, taking off his helmet. Shepard's heart leaps, "Garrus!" Her dreams fast forwards to the moment the rocket hits Garrus' face. She runs to his side, holding his face as blue blood pours out of the turian. Garrus opens his eyes and gazes regretfully at Lily. He tenderly strokes her face. Then, his bloody hand drops and his body falls limp. His eyes are dead and empty as Shepard frantically searches them. _

Lily wakes up screaming "GARRUS!" Tears are running down her face from watching her friend die. She's had nightmares similar to this one before, but it's the first time Garrus caressed her face before dying. And it hits harder than ever before. That last touch, that simple caress, filled with such love. It shatters her. Looking down at her hands, Lily sees she is shaking. _*I almost lost him. What if I had lost him? What if I lose him?* _Hugging herself, Shepard realizes that she's wasted enough time. She can't put it off any longer. She _has_ to talk to Garrus.


	9. Feelings

The next afternoon…

Garrus stands staring at nothing in front of the battery's console. His mind is not on calibrating but on Shepard. Over a week had gone by since 'incident' and they still haven't talked about it. The turian is beginning to think that he is going to have to initiate the conversation but is secretly petrified of being rejected by his best friend. Despite his terror-filled promises after watching Shepard's death in his nightmare the night before, he hasn't quite work up the courage to tell her how he feels. Vakarian has never been a coward but he's never had to risk his heart so completely or had to risk losing his best friend before, the person he trusts more than anyone else in his life. He is not good or even comfortable with emotions, no doubt his father's influence. And Lily makes him feel very deeply and Garrus finds it unsettling. Over the last week, he has thought continuously of her. What he feels for her is overwhelming and he has his suspicions as to why that it. If what he suspects is true, that Lily is his life-mate, he has absolutely _everything_ to lose if she rejects him. To a turian to be rejected by your life-mate is like being shown paradise and then having it ripped from your grasp and sent back into a colorless, hopeless void where there is only pain and despair.

Garrus' omni-tool beeps, Shepard is calling him. Opening the call, he looks at her, "Commander." Her face serious, yet Vakarian cannot quite interpret the expression on her face. Lily looks…almost terrified but resolute. Fear is not something he is used to seeing on her face. "Do you have time to talk? In my quarters?" _*This is it. We are finally going to talk about it,*_ the turian realizes. "Sure, should I come up now? Or…"

"I'm free now."

Nodding, Garrus replies, "Be right up."

While waiting for him, Shepard attempts to give herself a pep talk. _*I can do this. I can tell Garrus I have feelings for him. Tell my best friend…and risk everything. I can't do this, what if he rejects me? What if I ruin our friendship? Fuck! No, I have to do this.*_ Taking a deep calming breath, she tries to be more positive. _*Garrus would never hurt me, even if he doesn't feel the same. I've fallen so hard for him, for my best friend. The person I trust and rely on more than anyone else. If he feels the same, we have a chance at something…something wonderful. I will be brave. No risk, no reward.*_

When Garrus arrives, the two of them stare at each other, nervous, tongue-tied and uncomfortable. Both know they finally will talk about what happened and what they want to do about it. "Why don't we sit on the sofa?" Shepard suggests. They sit down, both still obviously ill at ease, neither one knowing how to start. Lily, finally, is the first to act. She gathers herself and begins to speak.

"Before…before I died, I held myself back. There was always a piece of me that I didn't share, not with _anyone_. I didn't lean on others; people leaned on me. You were there, you must have noticed that. It's been like that since my family died. Before the attack on Mindoir, I was a different person. I doubt you or anyone who knows me now would have recognized me. I was carefree and light hearted. I was frivolous and constantly joking around. I had my sisters, my brothers, my parents, and friends. I was _happy_. God, I was so happy! My world hadn't been tainted yet. So when it happened, it was a shock. It was a day like any other…until it wasn't. I found my mother dead on the kitchen floor a knife stuck in her back. My two younger brothers…just five and three, _murdered_ without mercy. I saw my father struck down as he tried to protect my younger sister from the batarians. She died seconds after him. And…God…my own twin, Leeloo, born just minutes after me. They killed her too. We were running together, hand in hand, trying to escape. They shot her, Garrus. God, they shot her in the back. With her last breath she begged me, _begged me _to escape. And I could do nothing else but grant her last request. I had to leave the other half of my soul behind. I was the only one left of my once large family and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't give them the satisfaction of wiping out my family's entire tree."

Vakarian is shocked at how much Shepard is revealing. As far as he knows, she has never talked about Mindoir or her family, not to anyone. He hadn't even known she had once had such a large family, a _twin_. The vids about her only mention that her parents were killed, nothing about her brothers and sisters, nothing about a twin. Garrus can see from her voice and body language that it is still difficult for her to talk about.

"At just sixteen, I lost everyone I loved. For the first time in my life, I was completely alone. As much as I loved my parents and siblings, what I shared with Leeloo was special. With her I was never alone, even when she wasn't there. I could feel her with me, no matter how far apart we were. When she died, that piece of her was ripped from my body. I was truly alone in a way I had never experienced before. It _hurt_, it hurt so much. What happened there forever changed me. I had no choice _but _to change. I became much more serious, more focused, and completely self-reliant. I have been alone since and that's the way I wanted it. What happened…it forced me to grow up fast, to rely only on myself. It was safer to depend only on myself, safer to never show any vulnerability or weakness. Because in the end, all I had was me. I had no one to rely on, to trust. Since then I dealt with things alone, being with Kaidan didn't change that. When I helped Talitha from Mindoir, I never talked about it with him or with anyone. I grieved all over again after that but I did it alone. I doubt anyone knew how much seeing Talitha hurt me, how much simply _remembering_ hurt. It hurt me as much as it did her. And damn it, it hurt so much to remember that day, the day where my life changed so drastically. Reliving my family's deaths was hard but I did it alone. I went through it alone. I didn't, _couldn't_ share that part of myself with him. I never told Kaidan about Mindoir, he knows as little as most know, simply that my parents died when I was sixteen. He knows nothing about my siblings or my twin. I didn't lean on him. I didn't _need_ him. I wouldn't allow myself to need him." It is an immense weight off her shoulders to finally have someone she trusts enough to speak about her family. She has done that with no one, not even Anderson, despite their closeness.

Shepard meets Garrus' intent blue gaze, declaring "I left a lot unsaid. So many things I _wished_ I had said, things I wished I had done. But I've got a second chance and I am not wasting it. Do you know what the thing I regret the most is? I never told you how I felt. I had…_have_ feelings for you, Garrus. Romantic feelings. Before I died, I couldn't even admit that to myself. Because if I did, I would have risked my heart, risked the pain of losing someone I cared for again. And I wasn't brave enough to do that."

Garrus gapes at her in shock. She's revealed so many things he hadn't known, that no one knew. As much as he had hoped she had feelings for him, Vakarian never truly believed she did.

Lily continues "I figured you—No. I was afraid you would never return my feelings. I didn't want to risk you rejecting me or losing my best friend. I couldn't risk seeing disappointment or disgust or worse pity on your face. But most of all, I couldn't risk loving someone again. I didn't think I was strong enough to lose someone I loved again. So I buried my feelings, until it was like I never had them. But death has made me a little braver. Even if you reject me, I'm not leaving this unsaid this time…"

Lily gazes keenly into Garrus' eyes, searching for a sign of his reaction. For the first time in a long time, she can't read anything from him. His face gives absolutely nothing away. It is completely still, not so much as a mandible twitch. As the silence lengthens the pressure inside her builds. Shepard confesses, "I was with Kaidan because I thought I couldn't be with you. He was so eager to be with me, you know? I had hoped that I could learn to care for him, maybe even love him. But I couldn't, not in the way I was supposed to. I loved him as a friend, not a lover. Truthfully, inside I knew that being with Kaidan was safer. Because it was just sex to me, not love. I didn't love him. I wasn't risking my heart being with him. He couldn't hurt me, not like you could. I don't think he loved me as he should have either. Maybe he just hero-worshiped me, loved me because I was a hero, the first human Spectre, the larger than life soldier, not the woman underneath. Maybe that's why he didn't trust me on Horizon. I wasn't a hero in his eyes anymore..."

Shepard is starting to show the strain of the waiting, her vibrant purple eyes are beginning to dim as she loses hope, even as she resolutely continues on. "After Kaidan, I need to be with someone I can trust, and there is _no one_ I trust more than you, Garrus. Hell, if all I wanted was sex, half my crew is willing. There are plenty of men _and_ women, willing, _eager _even, to sleep with me for a variety of reasons. But I want more than that. And you are the only one that can give me that because you already hold a piece of my heart." The deafening silence continues and Shepard finally slumps. She lowers her eyes, her shoulders droop, and she wraps her arms around herself trying to comfort herself. *_He doesn't feel the same…*_ Shepard feels so lost, so empty. That warm feeling inside her is gone. She had known the risks but clearly she hadn't been prepared for how much his rejection would hurt. It is utterly soul wrenching.

Then, Lily feels Garrus' hand on her face. He lifts her chin until her tear-shined eyes meet his. Her lower lip is trembling as she fights to keep her tears from falling. It is a battle she loses as one lonely tear trails down her cheek. Seeing it, his heart breaks a bit. Tenderly, Garrus wipes away that single tear. "Shepard…" sighing her name. "I thought this—this was _impossible_. I—I couldn't allow myself to hope, to _dream_ that you would ever have feelings for me. Even after what happened in the battery, I didn't truly believe that you would ever be interested in me. Why would you choose me, a _turian_, when you could have someone more like you, another human or asari or even a drell? I could think of no reason why you would choose me. I am stunned that you _choose_ me, that you have feelings for _me_. Spirits, Shepard! I never thought I would be that lucky. The first time I ever felt something for you I was so shaken. I couldn't believe it. I had never felt what I feel for you before, for anyone, turian or otherwise. The first time I realized I had feelings for you was when you asked me to teach you hand-to-hand combat, that first session."

Flashback of Garrus and Shepard's first sparring session

"_I hear turians are skilled hand-to-hand specialists. Think you can teach me?"_

"_Not all turians are skilled at hand-to-hand combat, you know, Commander."_

"_Are you saying you aren't one of those proficient turians?"_

_Garrus laughs. "No. Actually I was at the top in my class. Are you really serious about learning? Because you know I will be throwing you all over the place, it's the way I was taught. It is the easiest way for me to teach you, the most efficient way for you to learn. It comes with a lot of bruises."_

_Lily shoots back with attitude, "Come on, Vakarian. You think I'm afraid of some bruises? Seriously?! Have you totally ignored my war wounds? I mean, come on, you've been there when I've been shot, stabbed, punched, cut, burned…need I go on? Bruises are the least of my worries. My whole body is covered with them, what's a few more?"_

"_Okay, Commander. Are you free now? If you're not—" _

"_I'm free now, just let me get changed," she interrupts. _

"_Okay, I'll meet you in ten?" _

_At her nod, Garrus goes to the battery to change out of his armor, while Shepard goes to her quarters. Vakarian arrives first and readies the mats. Soon the Commander enters, wearing a work-out tank top and shorts. Garrus is a little shocked by how different she looks. How her body looks in those tight, surprisingly revealing clothes, so different than the armor or military uniform he is used to seeing her in. She is showing a lot of skin Garrus has never seen before. Shepard, herself, is surprised by Garrus' clothing, as she has never seen him in anything but his armor. Privately, she had wondered if he sleeps in it. It is very strange to see him wearing a soft-looking long-sleeved shirt and loose pants. _

_For several brief moments, the two can only stare at each other. Finally, Shepard asks "You ready?" Garrus nods, and begins the lesson, teaching her various holds and techniques. After she has learned the basics, they start sparring. Shepard attempts to use the techniques she's learned to try to make Garrus submit. Over and over, she fails. Each time, Garrus shows her what she had done wrong, adjusting her position to a more effective one or showing her several different techniques she can use in the particular situation. Shepard's body is already covered in new bruises from Garrus throwing her around repeatedly. _

"_I am not quitting until I pin you at least once. It's damned embarrassing," whines Lily. _

_He can't help but laugh at how pathetic she sounds. "Okay, Commander," Garrus says with a grin. _

"_And don't even think about letting me win," she warns. _

"_I wouldn't dream of it." _

_A half an hour later and Shepard still hasn't come even close to winning. After being pinned for what feels like the millionth time, she is getting worried that this session will never end unless she gives up on beating him. At her nod, they start again. Shepard dives through Garrus' spread legs before latching herself on to his back. The turian simply uses his long arms to grasp her shoulder flipping her over his back. With his arms around her, her back pressing firmly against his chest, the human thinks for sure she has lost again. But surprisingly, after a moment, she feels a slight relax in the turian's hold. Taking advantage, she grabs his arm, flipping him over her shoulder. Straddling his waist, she pins him. The Commander looks into Garrus' bewildered eyes, the turian looks like he has no idea what has just happened. "Yield?" she demands. He closes his eyes briefly before nodding. Lily jumps up, and does a little victory dance. Garrus is still lying on the floor dazed and unmoving. "Well, I guess that's enough for the first session," he says haltingly. After Shepard leaves, he continues to lay there for several more minutes, trying to figure out what just happened._

End of flashback

"When you had me pinned against your chest…you—you _hesitated_. It was the one time I beat you that session," Shepard says remembering.

"Just as I was going make you yield, I got this funny feeling in my stomach. Feeling you in my arms…the smell of your skin…your hair…I got distracted. That has never happened before. You can't imagine how shocked I was. I have never looked at a human like I did you that day. I have never felt that way toward a human or any species besides turians before. Hell, I have never looked at another human or any non-turian that way since. By the time I figured out what had happened and why and could admit that I had feelings for you, you were—you were already with Kaidan. You had chosen him and I lost a part of me that day. I saw you flirting with him the same day I was going to tell you about my feelings because I had thought that maybe, just maybe you felt that same spark. But you didn't. You were with Kaidan and I had lost my chance. I took comfort in simply being able to be near you even if you couldn't, _didn't_ want me. If I couldn't be with you, I could at least be your right hand man, in my thinking. I dedicated myself to being someone you could rely on, someone you could trust absolutely to have your back in battle."

Gently stroking the side of her face, "Lily…" Garrus murmurs her name as a caress, it is the first time he has ever said her first name aloud. "When you died, my life lost all meaning. It's why I—I went to Omega. I just couldn't take what the Council, what the Alliance, what everyone was doing. Ignoring the Reaper threat, ignoring what you had fought for, _had fucking died for_. You _died _trying to warn everyone about the threat and _still_ they called you crazy, a liar, downplayed everything that had happened, everything you told them, everything that you sacrificed and fought for. I couldn't take their ignorance, their lack of faith. I couldn't watch Kaidan fall apart after you died, knowing how jealous I was of him for having memories of being with you. I was so angry with him. For having been with you. For leaving you on the Normandy. For being unworthy of you and for letting the Alliance dismiss your findings about the Reapers. He didn't fight them, just went along with it, like a good little soldier. I found it sickening to watch. You _died_…and I had no purpose, no drive to live without you. All I had left was fury, a motivation to right the wrongs, to punish those deserving of it. I knew I would die there. I did, I _knew_ it…and I was ready, prepared even, to die there. I quickly found out I simply couldn't live without you, Lily. I just couldn't."

Garrus takes a deep breath before continuing, "The second I saw you on Omega, I recognized you. The way you moved, it was exactly the same. No one moves like you do. You had that same unique aura that always surrounds you, the strength of your power almost shimmering around you. I was so sure I was hallucinating. That my sleep deprived brain was playing tricks on me. I thought I was dying. That with my last breath, my last conscious thought, my mind was so focused on your memory that it felt _real_."

Lily lightly caresses the scars on his face, and smiles. The tears in her eyes no longer full of sadness but shine with pure radiance. The turian brings his head down and touches foreheads with Shepard. "Touching foreheads is a sign of affection in turian culture," he explains. Garrus, of course, doesn't mention that this behavior is almost entirely exclusive to bond-mates and families. He needs to touch her like this, to feel the comforting presence of her skin against his. He _needs_ it with a desperation he has never felt before. Although their relationship is just beginning, what he feels for her is strong. Far stronger than he has ever felt before.

The two stay that way for a long time, just looking at each other and smiling with the joy of knowing they have a second chance, one they aren't wasting. They have a chance to be together, a chance to fall in love and be loved in return. To be secure in the fact that at least one person has your back, trusts you, _believes_ in you, even if no one else does.


	10. Confrontation and an Awkward Sex Talk

"Thank you Lily, for saving my son from my fate. For giving me a chance to re-connect with him before my illness runs its course," Thane Krios says in his formal manner.

"Glad I could help, Thane," replies Shepard in her typically modest and sincere way.

Garrus watches this exchange with narrowed eyes, well aware of what the drell is conveying by calling her by her first name. No one calls her Lily. Except for Garrus, and even then it's only been in private. Garrus hasn't called her Lily in front of anyone, _yet_. He can see that by using that name, Thane is suggesting, _desiring_, a familiarity, an intimacy between them. Vakarian finds that completely unacceptable. His turian instincts well up and he can't fight them. He doesn't want to. He knows he will confront Krios when Lily leaves.

The Commander quickly grabs an energy bar from the cupboard. She waves at the two men as she leaves them in the mess hall and heads to the elevator to speak with Joker. The turian watches as Thane's unblinking black eyes follow Lily until she disappears from sight.

"I see what you are doing, Krios," Garrus barks out with a biting edge.

The drell turns his large dark eyes to the other man. "I do not know what you are referring to," he says calmly.

"Calling her Lily, I know what that means. You _want_ her. You're falling in love with her," Garrus snarls. He raises himself to his full height, attempting to use his height and fierce appearance to intimidate the smaller assassin.

Thane remains unruffled, replying dryly, "Vakarian, I do not see how it is any of your concern what I call Shepard or how I feel about her. That is between her and me." The assassin recognizes how very special Shepard is and figures he has nothing to lose trying to pursue her. He knows that Garrus has a thing for her, but then so does Jacob and half the Normandy crew. As long as Lily is free, Thane is willing to try. In the end, it is her choice and he wants her to realize his interest.

An aggressive growl rumbles deep in his throat, as Garrus slams Krios into the wall. "Violence, Vakarian? I am not afraid of you." Before he can react the turian suddenly brings his forearm up to the drell's neck, choking him. In a voice cold as death, "You should be afraid. I have lost Shepard twice, TWICE! Once to Kaidan Alenko and once to death, _I_ _will __**NOT**__ do it again_! She is _my _mate, _my _woman! I will not hesitate to kill you to protect that, in fact it would bring me a great deal of pleasure." Thane starts to see stars. He is close to blacking out when Garrus finally releases him. The drell immediately drops to floor gasping, choking, and coughing. Vakarian looks at him dispassionately, "I will not warn you again."

In the medbay while talking with Dr. Chakwas, Mordin observes the whole exchange. Although unable to hear the conversation, the salarian studies Garrus. _*Interesting. Vakarian is displaying male posturing and aggression. Characteristic of turian males warning rivals off their mates. Must have discussion with Vakarian and Shepard about interspecies intercourse.*_

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

After the vid night, the crew has been hyper-vigilant at watching the interactions between Shepard and Vakarian. That night made it painfully obvious that _something significant_ is happening between them. The two had noticeably stopped actively avoiding each other after that night. Yet, everyone could see they still weren't quite comfortable with each other either. A slight awkwardness between them, clues those around them that the pair has not quite figured things out.

But Garrus' confrontation with Thane provides evidence that something major has changed.

Joker is stunned as he watches the confrontation play out before him, even more so when he hears the familiar sound of the Commander's footsteps coming up behind him. She doesn't say a word, her focus firmly on the surveillance feed. Joker can feel the rigid tension in his body as he waits for Shepard's reaction, shooting her quick glances. She ignores his gaze, even though Joker is sure she is aware of his repeated looks. Her face is impassive and the pilot has no idea what she is thinking.

On the screen, Garrus releases Thane and the assassin abruptly crashes to the ground. Jeff turns, surprised to see a smirk form on Shepard's face. It's the last reaction he expects: for her to find amusement at her new boyfriend's (as it is obvious to him, by _both_ of their reactions that the pair is finally together) primitive, aggressive warning and possessiveness. He knows he's going to secretly retrieve the surveillance of that smirking reaction, knowing no one will believe him without proof. After Shepard watches Garrus walk away without a backward glance, she leaves silently without saying a single word. Once she's gone, Joker curses in shock before sending the vid of the incident and Shepard's response to the rest of the crew. The two vids: Garrus threatening Thane away from Shepard, as well as her reaction make it clear to everyone that the pair are officially a couple. One that is serious enough for the turian to act startlingly possessive and threatening and for Lily to be very unexpectedly accepting of his behavior.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Mordin, of course, is unfazed by the vid, having seen it in person. Being able to hear the words of the exchange between Garrus and Thane simply confirms his conclusions. The vid of Shepard is intriguing, however, to the salarian. While her behavior is typical of female turians, it seems so atypical of _her. _Humans as a collective are not know to approve of such blatant and aggressive possessiveness. Shepard in particular does not appear the type to appreciate such displays. Her reaction intrigues Mordin. She is by no means turian and it is curious that she reacts in the way she does.

Chakwas isn't surprised either, as she remembers walking in on them in the battery. The passion between them had stood out starkly that morning and between that and their close friendship, Karin knew it was inevitable for the two to get together.

The redheaded Chambers has a permanent smug look on her face. She is confident her push during the vid night had been exactly what the couple needed. She knew this was coming even before Lily and Garrus did.

Thane ignores the one of the altercation. He lived it, and with his perfect memory he needs no reminders. Instead, Krios focuses on the vid with Shepard's reaction. It is split screened, allowing him to see both the confrontation and Shepard simultaneously. The drell watches thoughtfully as her face changes from blank to smirking. It is all the evidence he needs, Shepard feels the same for the turian, as Garrus feels for her. Krios immediately abandons his growing feelings for her. She obviously has chosen Vakarian and Thane has no intention of coming between them.

Samara watches the vids, detached as the Code dictates no reaction. While she has spent only a short time with Shepard and Garrus, Samara surprisingly feels a bit of satisfaction at watching the turian's actions. _*He is strong, perhaps even strong enough for the Commander.*_

Grunt, of course, enjoys the violence of the dispute. He reacts with that crazy little giggle he has at the thought of challenging Vakarian. He wonders just how far Vakarian would go. Grunt has no interest in the human as a mate but fighting, he is all for passionate combat. He thinks Garrus would be very intense and unrestrained if forced to battle for Shepard.

Jack laughs at Shepard's smirk, thrilled to see her enjoy the show of violence as much as Jack does. The biotic is secretly happy that the two have gotten their heads out of their asses and got together. Jack has realized that despite Shepard's affiliations with Cerberus, she is a good and honorable person. Shepard deserves happiness.

Miranda quirks a brow at Shepard's reaction. _*How very unexpected. I never would have thought she would enjoy such possessiveness from a partner." _

Zaeed, like Grunt, wonders if he could challenge the turian to a competition for Shepard. He's not so old that he hasn't noticed Shepard's curves. And power in a woman has always drawn him in. It doesn't hurt that the mercenary is always ready for a fight, either. He guffaws, as he imagines collecting his 'prize.' Zaeed knows Shepard would never let anyone claim her as a prize, although it might be fun to try…if she didn't kill him of course, which she probably would. As fun as it is to imagine, he's not quite dumb enough to actually try it.

Ken and Gabby watch the vid together. Gabby melts a little at the obvious connection Shepard and Vakarian have formed. Ken, of course, breaks her sentimentality with his typically awful humor. "So, all it takes to get Shepard is to almost kill a rival? You think I'd have to chance if I poisoned the turian?" Gabby rolls her eyes at his childishness, "You are such a pig, Ken. It's a wonder you've ever been with a woman with the giant disconnect between your brain and your mouth."

Jacob, however, watches the vid with horror. Seeing how intimidating Garrus is, a shiver of instinctual fear runs through his body. Any interest he had in Shepard immediately evaporates. He has no intention of crossing the very _large_, very _angry_, very _possessive_ turian. Seeing Shepard's amusement at the violence doesn't quell his fear any either.

The rest of the crew watch with delight as the incredibly jumpy human biotic visibly cringes whenever Garrus is near. It comes to a head one day when Jacob accidently runs into Shepard. He instinctively grasps onto her hips to steady her. A second later, Jacob gapes at Garrus in horror, ripping his hands away and stuttering a frantic, pleading apology to the man. If the turian hadn't known that everyone knew about his confrontation with Thane, Jacob's behavior made it perfectly clear. And Vakarian can no longer hide his amusement and full out laughs in the stunned man's face. Shepard soon joins in, finding Jacob's terrified behavior surprisingly hilarious.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

A few days after the confrontation between Garrus and Thane, Lily goes to check in with Mordin. She finds him to be an interesting character, as she never knows quite what to expect from the hyperactive salarian. Shepard has never worked closely with a salarian before. "Hi, Mordin, have time to talk?"

He replies "Actually wanted to talk. Medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Turians and humans very different biologically. Warn of chafing."

"Um…" Shepard shakes her head, trying to get over the shock that Mordin is totally nonchalantly discussing her having sex with Garrus…and warning her about chafing. "Er—I intend to be cautious, Doctor, but Garrus is important to me. You're not going to scare me off."

"Of course. Hormones. Regardless, come see me later. May need analgesic. Chafing."

_*Again with the chafing!* _Taking a cue from the doctor, she asks "Do you have a recommendation as a doctor?" Despite her dispassionate tone, she is feels a little embarrassed…as if her dad was nonchalantly talking to her about sex.

Solus replies, "Turians based on dextro-amino acids. Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don't, ah, ingest. Can test for dextro-amino acid allergy level, if agreeable. Also, forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable to both species, erogenous zone overview. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship demonstrations vids to use as necessary."

Shepard laughs, "Wait a minute, Mordin. This is a joke isn't it? You're just yanking me around, right?"

The salarian proclaims, "Shocking suggestion! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream…_of mockery_. Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required."

_*This is by far the weirdest discussion I've had with Mordin. That's including the time he started singing! I can't wait to tell Garrus about this,*_ thinks Shepard. "Uh…okay, thanks, Mordin."

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Later that day…

Garrus comes to Shepard's quarters to talk to her. Seeing his baffled expression, she guesses that Mordin has cornered him and gave him a similar sex talk.

Smirking at his embarrassment, she inquires "Seen Mordin lately?"

Vakarian's bewildered blue eyes meet Lily's amused violet ones.

"He talked to you, too?" he asks horrified.

Laughing, she can only nod.

"That was the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had!" whimpers the turian.

"Yeah, I know the feeling…" the human agrees. "You're not—I mean…are you having second thoughts?" she asks hesitantly.

"No! Of course not! A little horrifying discussion about cross-species intercourse from our crazy resident salarian doctor isn't enough to scare me away from a chance of being with you, Lily." The two share a smile.

Hearing a beep, the Commander checks her omni-tool. "A message from our illustrious salarian doctor; our allergy tests are complete. Both of us are completely immune to the possible allergic reaction of our differing biology. Apparently, that is extremely rare…so I guess congratulations to us both being freaks of our species! At least we don't have to worry about dying if we…uh…ingest. It's one less thing to worry about."

* * *

><p>I'm not sure when the next update will be. The next couple of chapters are sort of written. They concern loyalty missions, I've written about Miranda's but that's about it. Garrus's will take place later and has already been written. I've written meeting Wrex again but not Mordin's or Grunt's loyalty missions. The big question I have is: do you want me post what I have so far and just update those chapters later when the missing sections are written OR do you want me to wait to post until the chapters are complete? Let me know which you would prefer.<p> 


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